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Last Night part 1(Joe)
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(Thursday, 25 June 2009)
Written by Monochrome | View Monochrome's Profile |
| I am so STUPID!
My stupid mistake may have started something big that's could could cause a problems for me and the bf.
So last night I went to visit my friend and came home around 9:30-ish. My bf and Joe(my old(unfortunately straight) friend from high school who is now best friends with my bf) were watching UFC. And of course since they were on my upstairs to the bedroom(where I would have hid until Joe left), there was no way I could avoid letting Joe see my face.
He gave me the "holy shit!/Jesus Christ!/Dayuuum, wtf happened to you?!" statement that I've been getting whenever I'm in public. And I fucked up and told him the story I told the cops.
Now let me point out why his story did not and could never have worked on Joe:
1.) He knows my bf.
2.) He knows me too well and has experienced my bad lying for 8+ years.
There are several things wrong with the story that I told the cops that wouldn't add up for someone who knows me and my bf.
First, if someone even mentions fight, MY ASS IS GONE! If I feel like I'm in danger, I will not hesitate to run. Second, if someone tried to attack me with my bf close by, they'd be in intensive care and he'd be in jail.
Even though my bf tried to back me up and say that he'd gotten there too late, it was way too obvious we were lying. But of course, Joe didn't want to cause a scene right then, so he seemed to accept this, even though I knew he probably would ask one of us about it later.
After Joe left, my bf didn't say anything about the lie and we went to bed(that's another story I'll tell after I complete the Joe part).
Sure enough, I got a phone call today around noon where Joe greeted me with not "hey, kyle.", but "You're full of shit, Kyle. WTF really happened to your face?" He was joking, but not really and I was scared. I didn't really have another lie to tell. I hadn't really thought up another one. I'd told variations of the "drunken camping attack" story to anyone who asked, but there was no way even another variation would work this time.
For me, the domestic abuse mantra is apparently "deny everything and stick to the story." because that's what I tried to do. I told him that even though it sounded a little crazy, that what I had told him was the truth.
He said that I was lying and that I was such a scaredy cat that there was no way I would go off alone in the woods at night, definitely not far enough away that my bf wouldn't have heard me getting attacked. He said that even if my bf hadn't gotten there in time to stop the attack, he definitely would have chased the people down and caught them, because he's ridiculously fast and has a sick temper.
Even though I couldn't explain these things away without looking even stupider. I just kept saying that what I said was what actually happened and he kept insisting that it was bullshit.
Then he said that he bet _______ had probably hit me. He asked me if we'd been having sex and he got a little carried away. He seemed to be joking, but I could tell he wanted that to be true. I of course just said that I swore that what I told him before was the truth, almost on the verge of tears.
Then he said it. He said it casually, but I knew it was a threat immediately. He said, using the same voice one does when they're about to get off the phone, that he'd just wanted to make sure that I was ok and that he'd probably ask my bf about it later when they went to work out .
I KNEW that all hell would break loose if he asked my bf about it and accused him of lying like he had me. I wouldn't be surprised if he beat the shit out of Joe, then came home and beat the shit out of me again if Joe asked him that(even though I feel compelled to stress that he's never hurt me this bad before....).
I tried not to sound so desperate about it, but it was pretty hard, because I was desperate. I told him not to ask my bf about it, that he was pretty mad at himself about what had happened and that he'd be really annoyed. To which Joe replied that he wouldn't ask him if I told him the truth, which I thought was a really nasty thing to do.
I was on the verge of tears from panic. Before all this happened, I was worried about making my bf unhappy. I didn't like him to yell at me and I always felt stupid and like a huge failure whenever I did something to make him mad. But now I'm just scared of him. I try not to be, but I am.
So I told him. I cleaned it up a little and tweaked parts to make things seem not too bad(I cut the number of times he'd actually hit me that night and told Joe that he'd never hit me before when he asked about that).
He was mad, as I knew he would be, but I think it scared him enough that he probably won't mention it outright to my bf or try to confront him.
He asked me if I had told anyone else and I said that our friend Keegan knew. He told me that I should tell my parents and that I should move out.
I told him that there was no way I was doing any of those things and we argued about it for a little while. Then he said that he was going to tell my parents and that my mom would probably be able to force me to come back home.
Which was probably true. My mom is very serious about domestic abuse. She volunteers at a local women's shelter, because my aunt had an abusive husband who my mom got arrested and charged with assault for beat the crap out of with a bat(It was pretty much a very hick affair, but legendary in the neighborhood). Which is why I have to avoid her at all costs until I heal.
I started crying and begging him not to tell her. He agreed that he wouldn't, but insisted that I should. I'm not going to. I don't think things are so irreparable that I have to break up everything. I still have hope that things are going to get better.
I think my bf just needs to go back to work. We were so much happier in Minnesota when he was working. He's tired of this school stuff, because he's a man who likes working with his hands. He never hurt me at all when we were there. I think things will be better in Minnesota.
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