I don't really know where else to ask, and I really feel like I could use someone else's insight. Sorry it's so long. Alright. So, I've had a huge crush on my best friend for a little over a year now (I know, I'm ridiculous). Early on, it was established that she didn't feel the same way and despite some mixed messages and a lot of hurt feelings, we've done just fine. We're still the best of friends. I've been trying to get over her. Recently, in March, I kind of ended up with a little crush on another friend of mine. She told me she liked me too, but due to her current circumstances, she didn't feel like she could get into a relationship. She said maybe in time it would change. I wasn't too heartbroken and managed to accept it, though I still had some feelings for her. Well, all three of us are friends. This past weekend, my best friend told me that her and the other girl had feelings for each other now. I was absolutely devastated, seeing as I'm still not over either of them, especially not my best friend. They both decided not to get into a relationship because they felt it would just hurt me too much. It's all extremely complicated I guess since we're all good friends, and there are other issues currently as well (We're seniors in high school, graduating soon. The other girl has taken things kind of hard and is pretty aloof at the moment. I'm not exactly coping well.) Basically, I want to know if I'm really being selfish by sort of asking them not to get involved? My best friend specifically asked me how I felt about it when she told me (so I told her I was upset, I mean, she's still my best friend and she wanted to know), and they both care about me, but I guess I just feel like I've put my own feelings ahead of theirs. I'm not sure if I should say something to them, even though it hurts like hell. I really don't know what to do at this point...
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Re:I could really use some advice?
Date: 2008/05/03 12:48
By: k_owen
Status:
You wouldn’t be selfish if you were asked how you felt about it and answered in an honest way. Friendship requires honesty. Since the three of you are good friends, it wouldn’t have made sense for you to lie, cause if they got into a relationship and it would have lead you to being upset, it would have probably developed in one of these two ways: either you having to put on a mask when hanging out with them to avoid showing how it truly makes you feel, or allow them to notice how you truly feel after having convinced them that you’re ok about it.
One would be selfish if, because of one’s feelings, one imposes one’s will on others. If it is their potential relationship then I’m afraid it ought to be their decision. I guess it is up to them to decide how to deal with their feelings for each other after knowing how you truly feel about it. If I were you, I wouldn’t concern myself much on whether they choose to start a relationship or not, cause I believe what you said about feeling not yet over either of them is more of an issue. We’ve all been through it, and we all know how hard it can get to have to get over someone you really feel for, but sometimes all it takes is to realize that one does not gain any profit in sticking to the thought of what did not work out the way we wanted. There’s a whole bunch of other people you’re meant to meet and each one of them will give you different feelings. It is true that in life it’s usually hard to find what we are looking for, but it’s also true that what we obtain easily, we loose just as easily. Some things are just worth waiting for. However, while we’re waiting, all it takes to enjoy what we already have in life is the right attitude. Don’t leave your happiness to an unfair present; it will only limit how much friendship you can presently enjoy.
Besides, from your profile picture its clear that it would be such an aesthetic loss if your smiles are replaced by frowns, so I wish you all the good things life can offer. Life is great not when things always work out the way we want them to, but when we make the most out of what we get.
love, Keith
Post edited by: k_owen, at: 2008/05/03 12:53
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Re:I could really use some advice?
Date: 2008/05/05 18:25
By: DesperateDesires
Status:
Thank you. You have no idea how much that helped.
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