One of my partners threw me against a wall during an argument, and afterwards I swore I would never get back with them. But boom, two weeks later we were working through our problems and rekindling our relationship. The trust and security was gone, but over time a lot of it came back.
We had been together a long time before the incident, so it was comfortable and familiar to get back together. Also, it was just a one-time incident.
My opinion was, 'Just because they did a bad thing does not mean they are a bad person', so we did our best to work through the bad time. What does everyone else think? Have you had a similar experience? If physical abuse happens once, is it a deal breaker for you? What are your thoughts? Discuss.
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/03 03:48
By: BostonJack
Status:
That's how it always happens though... In any relationship. After the hitting comes the apologies and the flowers and the "it'll never happen again". Then it happens again and you'll hear the same shit. I can't be the judge for you, cus u obviously know him better than I do, but don't let it happen again, you know?
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/03 09:11
By: Rainy
Status:
I think, first time, if he did it, he said sorry, its fine, and you like them enough to overlook it so you should give it a chance
Second time, leave, for good im 'fraid, Abusive relationships are just horrific, ive been in one and never again, seriously. I regret not telling him to shove his apology up his ass the second time it happened lol,
All jokes aside, serious matter and, if it happens again, Leave and dont go back.
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/04 00:52
By: Kanae
Status:
If he does it a second time then leave him completely for good.
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/04 09:35
By: dragon_14
Status:
There are two possibilities here, one is that it was just a one time thing and that it won't happen again. The other is that he has an abusive personality.
You should try to watch for other signs that are indicative of an abusive relationship, (they may not be present in some abusive relationships, or they may be present in a non-abusive one, but if nothing else you should be aware of them)
Abusive relationships normally are not simply physically abusive, part of the reason that people go back to an abusive partner or stay with them is due to emotional and psychological abuse as well. Watch for criticism of the way you look, or of the way you dress. Insults, even jokingly, that you should lose weight or otherwise change your appearance or that you are stupid; as those tend to be what comes before the physical abuse.
Other things to look out for are attempts to isolate you from your friends and/or family. another way that people get away with abusive relationships is that they cut them off from the people they could go to so that there is no one for them to turn to. If he tries to keep you from seeing your friends or doesn't like you being with them alone (i.e. without him being there) or if he is calling to check up very often each time you are with them, or jealous about things he shouldn't be (you have a friend that he things likes you and therefore you shouldn't see them etc.) those are also bad things to have.
Abusive partners also tend to be more possessive then others, they feel a sense that you belong to them and should do as they say no matter what.
All that being said, if you feel those are present as well you should definetly leave even if it is before a second physical incident.
As it was said in the first response, there is a cycle of build-up followed by a physical incident, followed by regret/remorse/apology/promises it will never happen again, and then back to the build-up again. Each time these tend to get shorter and the abuse more dangerous when it actually happens.
If nothing else I hope this gives you something to think of and that it helps. Shawn"Dragon_14"
-Senior Manager Operations Department -Training Officer -Forum Assistant Manager TheGYC Chat Service
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/05 10:13
By: aldiss
Status:
Not knowing him, i won't make a snap decision. Just make sure that you're careful.
Hope things work out for you. Captain Sam B.Sc (Bronze Swimming Certificate)
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/05 21:04
By: justifythis
Status:
Instant deal breaker!!!! Never, ever stay with someone who abuses you!! Even if it is a one time thing he still knows now that he can get away with it if you stay. If you leave you won't have to put up with his abuse and he will know he is replaceable. If your brave and in love then give him another chance, just be warned that the second time he does it you may end up in the hospital!
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/06 04:22
By: BravoLima
Status:
It's up to you, if you can overlook it, then good for you.
Personally, it would depend, I'd have to like him pretty well to bother with him. You should always respect one's religious beliefs, however imaginary friends, delusional behaviour, a belief in a two thousand year old folk-lore should be treated by a professional.
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Re:Is physical abuse a deal breaker?
Date: 2008/05/06 04:36
By: HockeyFan
Status:
Lots of good answers... It seems like everyone has a different opinion. For me, personally, if it had happened again, the relationship would have ended because of that.
I wonder what causes a person to hit someone they 'love'? A lot of people have anger issues, and act on impulse. Anyways... TTYL
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