So it goes that I have reached my breaking point. I would like to get it off my chest that I am "almost positive" that I am gay. The only thing I fear is that my life will change. In everything I read about "coming out" it all makes the common agreement that yes, things will change. The only problem is, I have the most interesting, creative, intellectual friends anyone could want, and I don't want to them to think any differently of me.
I had an acquaintance a year ago that had a really great friend. They had been the best of friends for years, but when that acquaintance told his friend he was bisexual they just started drifting apart and now they don't really speak to each other. The sight of this has scared me away from coming out.
Finally my last rant. I fear coming out without anyone else I know out there. There was a guy my age that I was in love with. We shared the same musical interests, he had a great sense of humor, and was all that I had ever looked for in a person. We had "done a few things" to which I don't want to convey on the open internet seeming as how I am in a shy state. Well these things led me to believe that maybe there was the slight chance that he too was gay. I got so infatuated with him that it started tearing me apart. Day and night I couldn't keep him off of my mind. I finally reached the breaking point, so I began to whisper "i'm gay" to myself behind his back, hoping that maybe he would here me and respond "You are, well I've been thinking that I am too. I think we should be together for eternity and elope to Hawaii." Well none of that ever happened, and we have begun to grown farther apart over the past few months. I still hope to myself though, that he will "come out" and realize how I had felt about him and all would be well with the world.
If you want more details of this sappy drama, PM me and I can give you the lo-down.
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2007/12/31 04:20
By: aldiss
Status:
Well mate, yeah things will change but only if you want them too.
if you continue to act yourself and your friends really are your friends, then nothing has to change.
As to your 'soppy drama' ive been in somewhat of a similar situation myself and i just have to say DON'T LET IT CONSUME YOU! yeah have a crush on him but try not to get your hopes up yeah because otherwise your only going to get even more hurt if he doesn't return your feelings.
good luck with everything and as this is your first post let me just say welcome to the GYC! Good luck & Keep smiling x
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/01/05 03:50
By: dangreen
Status:
In my experiance things changed drastically, but only for the better. I feel tones more confident, and I act it. All of my friends have been great and most of the girls have actually become way closer to me since I told them. Most of the guys don't realy care and some of them even have been better with me since I came out. Dan Green
Forum/Chat Mod Manager of Training Department P&D Department
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/01/05 09:02
By: ....
Status:
well i haven't drifted apart from any of my friends since telling them, i don't know what it is but i've just been really lucky that way. The only changes were it bringing me even closer to a couple of people, they know that i trust them, so they put total trust in me now.
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/03/18 17:35
By: BostonJack
Status:
Ugh, thinking about the changes makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want all my heterosexual male friends to go away. When I hear them talking about the "fags" at school or how being attracted to another guy is equivocal to being attracted to a dog, and I have to laugh it off, I can't help but feel a little depressed.
I also hate the fact that straight people can go for months without being called straight, but I wouldn't be able to go a day without people bringing up or thinking about my gayness during the course of a normal conversation.
I will lose so much respect. I'll be labeled as having an interest in interior design or shopping, the crap heteros see gay guys associated with on TV. All the gay guys at school sit with girls at lunch. They never sit with other guys as strictly friends. I want to talk about Sunday's football game at lunch with my friends, not girly, stereotypically gay guy stuff with girls.
What about when I have to work. Having to show up at company Christmas parties with another guy, dealing with people gossiping about that instead of my work.
As far as my parents go, I don't think they'd disown me or anything, but taking the prospect of grandchildren away from my mom is just an awful thought. I don't like to see my mum cry. I don't know how she'd react so that frightens me.
I don't like change! I'm already generally happy with my life, I don't want that to go down the drain.
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/04/29 22:04
By: RKPATS12
Status:
I feel the same exact way as you do bostonjack
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/05/02 04:08
By: BravoLima
Status:
The unfortunate thing about pipe-dreams is they're just that. Too often things go awry, even if not at first. Besides, if you're only 'almost positive' that you're gay, perhaps you're not ready to out yourself.
Finding out what this friend's plans are doesn't mean you have to come out to everyone. Weave your way back into his life, talk to him about what you guys did and perhaps elude to that you want to keep doing it. See what his ideas about it are. If he goes and tells, then he's not much of a friend. You should always respect one's religious beliefs, however imaginary friends, delusional behaviour, a belief in a two thousand year old folk-lore should be treated by a professional.
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/05/10 11:47
By: meisinscotland
Status:
Bostonjack, excellent points. I'm the same tbh. I have more male friends than female friends.
I also want to say to the original poster that a person coming out doesn't always equate to being the reason that freinds may drift away. I have another friend who has a similar worry, and there are 1001 other reasons that could have been responsible for that drifting apart you saw with your bisexual friend. If I read that right, that is. Look outside the box and do what you have to do.
It'll be alright. :]
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/05/10 11:54
By: meisinscotland
Status:
aldiss wrote: Well mate, yeah things will change but only if you want them too.
if you continue to act yourself and your friends really are your friends, then nothing has to change.
As to your 'soppy drama' ive been in somewhat of a similar situation myself and i just have to say DON'T LET IT CONSUME YOU! yeah have a crush on him but try not to get your hopes up yeah because otherwise your only going to get even more hurt if he doesn't return your feelings.
good luck with everything and as this is your first post let me just say welcome to the GYC!
Sound advice matey.
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Re:My only fear is that my life will change.
Date: 2008/05/23 21:33
By: Dycedarg
Status:
Things didn't change for me at all. I told my friends, and the next morning, my life went on normally. My friends accepted it, and that was that ^__^. Like most people have said, your life will only change if YOU want it to.
Post edited by: Dycedarg, at: 2008/05/23 21:34 "You don't need a reason to help someone"
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