The best form of acceptance is non-judgemental acceptance. By which ppl totally accept u and withhold all judgement... its sumthing i try to practise on more personal issues of other ppl's lives. Obviously however it is quite hard to fide ppl who try to aswell ... ppl just seem to always jump to conclusions or just turn into sheep when around other ppl ahh well lol
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/10/31 05:01
By: KnightXMimic
Status:
Just be happy she accepted you man! I only recently came out to some of my friends on msn and I am HORRORIFIED of coming out to my best friend is a devout bible thumper {Take note I am also a proud christian }. So far everyone is pretty cool about it, but I know for a fact that my friendship with him is going to be devastated if I tell him so just be happy that your friend accepted you.
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/10/31 20:56
By: RavynMusic
Status:
in my view, we can't expect ppl to simply understand why we are who we are... there are some things in life that some ppl will never understand... chances are, there are probably aspects of the same ppl who don't understand us, that we will never understand either... however, understanding or not, there is always respect... sometimes, its just best to respect everyone for who they are and just continue on thru life
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/11/02 15:49
By: AnonymousActor
Status:
I came out during a time or arguing with my mom, bu tnot so much arguing, i was just done with keeping it hiddena dn she was upset that she felt out of the loop, so in a flurry of not quite tears but emotional Mom, I'm gay. moment. I foudn myself running down the stairs with her and we just hugged. She understands and accepts me which is the best feeling, heck she jokes about my sexuality with me constantly. Her words of wisdom to me was :" it's your choice if and when you come ou to the family, it has to happen eventually though, and if they don't accept it... well... *choice swear word* them." and hearing my mom actually say something so blunt yet so reassuring was in a word amazing. As it came down tot telling my friends, that was waves. To this day the one i told first thinks shes the reason i came out to other sbecause of her pushing me to, which is not the case, she wasnt even supposed to be the first btu thats adifferent story hahaha, I didn't come out persay but made a great realization: are they friends with my sexuality or with me. if with me, they shouldnt have a problem with it... but then why should i have to tell them if they dotn want to know. Which could be a bad thign for some people, you see... I may have been in the closet, and I wasn't a flamer, but in the same tolken I would say many a truthful comment about many a boy at my high school who i may or may not have seen naked in the showers, again with that said i continue. My policy is, if they want to know they can ask, or they can catch me talkign freely to my boyfriend. If they are offended... all i can do is a deep breath and ask if they want to talk about it, maybe I can dispel their fears or apprehensions. In eithercase, it comes down to: when we're referred to is it Oh that's Kevin: The Gay, or is it that's Kevin: the doctor. Sexuality of people, though a major part of their lives, does not change who they are as aperson - it aggravates me to no end when people think homosexuality is a life of frivolous sex... I love to look them in the eye and politely say... well I wouldn't know, but my boyfriend of 8 months lives in miami (i, in toronto), and we're stronger than ever.
so what am i getting at out of this whole thing (yeah this is the moment you realize, damn, i could have scrolled to the bottom and have been spared that rambling lunatics life story, i think i shall edit this and put a disclaimer at the top):
To accept is to aknowledge, and it is great not to be forgotten or persecuted. It means we won't have to deal with the hardships of being at times the castaway, the emotionally isolate, yet often the most emotional. To understand however goes beyond the acceptance, once oen understands another, they can help during those dark times. Many of us ar elucky, bi straight or gay to find that person who can help us. The varying levels of understanding should also be noted (but I am not about to get into human psyche). Ithink what we most need is the understanding that I am me, and it shouldnt enter into it if im straight or gay (unless Im hitting on you... but hey it's me... would I? idea). One more experience that may be illuminating:
oh the glorious facebook application Honesty Box someone told me "I wish you were six feet under." I, being the concerned and what I liek to think understanding person i am, replied why is that? if I have offende dyou, I surely didnt mean to, maybe if you could tell me what I did to make you feel so negatively maybe I can udnerstand what is bad about me. now that part is paraphrased I dont feel liek scrounging up the post. in the end, it wa sbecaus ei wa sgay they hated me. and i felt most abuse dbecause it had to be someone on my friends list. I wrot eback a very long reply giving the example if you sat beside the man who just won the nobel peace prize, then found out he was gay, would you want him to die? And the person replied to this 2 page response about where I come from, my views on human acceptance and cohabitance, and all that jazz of 'getting along'. there oh so great responses of responses "how long did it take for you to come up with that crap". Sadly there will be those who dotn want to understand, and really dont want to accept. And I suppose, they will be that little bit of fear some of us will always have to live with... my advice is just dotn let the fear ever hold you back. And your friends, though they may nto understand you, if they accept you... over time they will begin to understand you as long as you dont give up. If they don't, well, they may remain your friends but as time seems to have its effect on us, we all make new ones (sometimes without even knowing). And i firmly believeIf you go out there with an accepting and as understanding a mindset as you can possibly have, you will be met with some of the worst heart hitting people you can think of, but youll also snag some people that will just give you flight. It's a realist's optimism... or an optimist's realism that I think we need to embrace. If that mkade sense, well it did to me. this covered oodles of topics, beyond that of the one im posting for. well have a great day, and go for a walk and just take in the sky (however bright and cheery or dismal it may be, take it in, its the one thing we share with the world) [Joe]
Yours dramatically in the Arts!
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/11/11 03:05
By: Invidia
Status:
if someone told me they understood me i would ask them to explain myself to me.
none of us truly understand ourselves, think of all those times you do something that shocks or surprises you (both good and bad). if you understood yourself then then nothing you did would have that effect would it?
acceptance is different- you can accept or reject any individual aspect of reality.
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/11/12 15:12
By: TheArtifact
Status:
AdamH88 wrote: I would prefer to be accepted and understood.
But if I had to choose one or the other, I would have to say accepted. I dont mind if people dont fully understand me for being gay, but I would sooner that they knew I was and were ok with it. I would rather not have any homophobic slagging of or anything, but they dont need to know WHY.
When you think about it, if you're going to get one or the other, it'll have to be acceptance. You can't get understanding if people won't even accept you in the first place.
I would enjoy acceptance a lot, although I might not be able to fully cope with the behind-my-back whisperings of disapproval and digust. I would probably just tell them it needs to stop and they're being stupid right to their face. --TheArtifact
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2007/12/09 12:06
By: Catherine
Status:
i think that if we want to be accepted or understood for who we are, we also have to be patient and understand that they may need time to understand. we can't expect the world of them and be upset when they fall short.
Post edited by: Catherine, at: 2007/12/09 12:12
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2008/02/26 21:29
By: C_Dude
Status:
See I kind of see gay tolerance in 3 levels...
1: Tolerance: A very basic kind of just... Letting us exist without paying attention to our needs, rights, well-being etc. Just letting it be, not necessarily caring.
2: Acceptance: A more positive type of tolerance where they acknowledge us and our existence, and think it's fair and that we have an equal right to be part of the community.
3: Understood: A step further up from acceptance where others may take the initiative to really get in depth and comprehend how our nuts and bolts work. But then again, this is usually only present in very exclusive circumstances, say with a couple, or siblings, or best mates. I don't think there's anywhere in the world where the straight community attempts to really understand in depth what being gay is all about.
Note that all 3 can be looked upon as both 3 levels of tolerance, or 3 levels of understanding.
See, some people plainly won't accept you.
Some could bash you or try and kill you even.
Others will tolerate you, and leave you alone.
Some will accept you with open arms.
Others will love you for it.
You may not exactly know what level of acceptance your friend really feels. Talk to her about it if it's appropriate. Maybe she's still a bit shaken, or was just really surprised and hasn't quite gotten over it yet. Maybe there's something else in there. Maybe she can't deal with the fact that your gay. But usually she'd show some negative reactions if this were so, which it doesn't sound like she is. So yeah, talk to her if you're uncomfortable with something going on with you two, see if there really is anything to worry about. Cause, personally, I'm easily satisfied, so unless they start throwing rocks or harsh language at me, I'm fine with how they choose to tolerate my existence. If this is a best mate of your's, talk to her and tell her what it's like. Get her to empathize. And hopefully that helps.
,C "Keep it simple buds." --Carlooo! ツ
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2008/03/25 15:38
By: chatzi473
Status:
i would rather just be accepted.
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2008/03/26 08:59
By: Tinsley
Status:
In my own experiences, unless someone understands you, they won't ever be fully accepting of you. Accepting includes not wishing they were different, and most people who don't understand would just rather you be "normal".
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2008/03/28 13:25
By: Chrisfx
Status:
I agree with Tinsley. You can't accept somebody without understanding them.
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Re:Accepted v. Understood
Date: 2008/04/28 18:49
By: k13322n11185s
Status:
She accepted it in her mind. But u now have a responsiblity for her to understand u through your actions. Acceptance is only the first step to a long road--understanding.
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Just be happy she accepted you man! I only recently came out to some of my friends on msn and I am HORRORIFIED of coming out to my best friend is a devout bible thumper {Take note I am also a proud christian
}. So far everyone is pretty cool about it, but I know for a fact that my friendship with him is going to be devastated if I tell him so just be happy that your friend accepted you.
