Mike111 wrote: I had been struggling with it for a while now. My mind had completely rejected the idea of being a homosexual, I just wasn't ready for it. I had heard all the stories of gay bashing, even my best friend wanted to beat up the gays. He would constantly make unplesant remarks about gay guys when I was around, and it made me nervous as hell. I couldn't accept myself, and I think that slipped me into a depression where the only thing I could concentrate on was the number of people I would be disappointing, the idea that my friend would not accept me, and society would frown upon me. It almost killed me. I felt as though I had to change, I had to be someone completely different. The confusion itself made the entire ordeal unbearable.
At the time, a Journal entry of mine read:
You think I wanna be like this? Having to be careful of how I act around certain people, and knowing who I can be myself around and who I have to pretend to be someone else to. I guess I use the word bi because I'm not ready to tell people I'm gay, or to accept it myself.
ays someone very open and trustworty. He was the first one I had told. He was cool with it which was awesome. Eventually I gained the courage to tell more friends, until I had told just about everyone in my close friends except the one I felt would never accept me.
A few weekends ago changed my life. We were partying, and we were all drunk off our rockers. Probably a bit stoned too but I can't recall. I had debated telling my gay-hating friend, Chris, for some time now. Other friends who already knew gave me support by telling me if he didn't accept me it was his loss. I guess I needed people to say that really. It made me feel better about telling him.
We were alone in a forest on our way to go toboganning, and my best friend Tom's girlfriend was there. She had wanted me to tell him for a while now and when I told Chris I had something to tell him we all stopped. All of a sudden I realized I couldn't bring myself to say it. I started to cry, and the girl started to comfort me telling me that I should just tell him, and said things like "if he's really your friend he won't care". Well in seeing this Chris grew suspicious, and know really wanted to know what was going on. After about 10 minutes I just blurted it out. The girl was so proud of me, she couldn't believe I had told him, and neither could I. Chris just said "okay". I explained to him how scared I was to tell him because of the things that he said. It took a few minutes for him to digest the information, but he came and hugged me. He had never known a gay person, and never thought for a second that I was. I guess not having the stereotypical gay guy qualities, I changed his perspective. To this day he still feels horrible for some of the things he said.
Well the next day, the three of us (Chris, Tom and myself) went to a party for my work. My ex-girlfriend was there and someone had told me she had been crying in the corner. I went over to see what was wrong and before I knew it she had her arms around me telling me how much she missed me. (We had broken up a few weeks prior). I didn't know what to say. She was already dating some other guy just to spite me, and half the reason we broke up was because I thought I was fully gay and I just wasn't attracted to her sexually. Yet she decides to dump this load on me while we are both wasted and I'm finally coming to terms with myself. Well this ordeal had drawn a bit of attention and before I knew it a couple people had come over to see what was wrong. My ex blurted out that I was gay and I just fell to the floor. Before I knew it the whole damn place knew it. Some said I was just trying to get attention, others could care less. Some refused to even look at me.
Thank god I had my best friends there because I would have been so lost without them. After throwing up a few times they settled me down and told me that they were here for me. They reminded me that they could care less, and would beat the crap out of anyone that tried to hurt me because I was gay. At this point in my life I realized that the only thing that mattered to me was my friends. Their acceptance of me meant more than anything else. What everyone thought meant nothing to me. Those who disagree with how I live my life are just people in the background, there to live their lives and I'm here to live mine.
I haven't seen my dad in 4 years but I told my mom I was gay a couple months ago. She has completely denied it and continues to say things such as "I don't know a single gay guy who can't help me with fashion" or "don't get a girl pregnant". I would like to turn around and tell her there's a slim chance of me getting a girl pregnant but I don't have the heart to do it. I can only sit here and watch the pain of her acceptance process.<br><br>Post edited by: Mike111, at: 2007/03/02 18:52
i'm happy for you. your story made my smile, i love happy ending stories. hopefully your mom gets over it. its nothing to be THAT stressed out over.
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/07 15:26
By: saarkie
Status:
I have known for ages i LOVE boys. In year 10 i was 14 yo. i was starting to want to be myself and sick of lieing bout it all. I knew that girls are very excepting about it, my parents are both ppl that beleive in equality so i would have no problem with them. Although other family members had grown up the old regiment way with the thought that homosexuality is inferior. So one day to get it off my chest i tell a friend who wasnt exactly close that i am' bi' and she was like 'omg really thats cool' and she was all suportive like chicks r, so one by one i these girls i knew but wasnt exactly close friends. It was pretty good letting people know and i started talking about it with them, we played games like 'whos hot or not' and stuff like that. i didnt really tell my closest friends and my best friends, well he was a big homophobe and thought they should all be shot. I knew it would ruin him and i couldn't let him know that his closest frined was something he wanted to kill. So one day i was kinda ennoying one of those girls, the first girl i told actually and so she decided to say "does unamed know ur big secret?' i culdnt believe it. Now he was one to know what was lying and wat wasn't so he knew something was up, he was trying to guess all lunch time, a couple of things that came up was ' wat? do u suck cock or sumtin'. i knew he had to know eventually cuz its wouldnt be right and it annoyed him that they knew and they werent very close yet my closest friend, him, hadn't known. So i told them they can say it wen im not around, i was so sad and i was ready to cry cuz i knew how much it wuld hurt him. For a while he was really mean to me about it. theres was that silence and things were awkward. He constantly told me i couldn't be becuase i had a girlfriend at the time. he asked if she knew and i said no only you and them girls do. Eventually i got a msg from my gf asking if i was bi and i wondered who told her, i still reckon that it was my close friend. i admitted it to her and she said we could get through this. Time had passed and i was constantly on chat sites and looking for gay guys to talk with and maybe something else. The year ended and i went into yr 11. This was the year i was open about it but also sometimes conserved about it. The new guy came to skool and to my luck he was queer. He knew i was gay cuz he culd tell with his gaydar(which btw is the best gaydar i know to work), i only said i was bi but he was deffinatley sure i was gay. Him being there deffinately helped me cuz he was teased about it but stood up against it all. When he left i had finally come to terms with it and told the rest of my friends i was bi. But then i noticed that when it came to being turned on girls didnt do it for me. looking at a fmales body was like looking at my own, its just a body to me. But i looked back on my life and noticed i had really only looked at guys and had dreams about guys, and the ones i had with girls were nightmares lol. At the end of year 11 i deicided to be myself. So when someone ever joked about it asking if im gay i'd say yes, if ppl asked i'd say yes, i put posters of topless beach guys on my walls. i had still not told my family. it was theposters that started it off. My brothers had to go to my room to play xbox and my yuongest brother asked me if i was gay cuz i have pictures of guys, I said yes. Throughout convo's the topic gay would come up and my brother would always say, Saarkie's gay. i had finally sat my parents down a month later just to formally tell them so i had it sorted out. The said they always thought i may have been but didnt want to say anything because it was my place to say and find out. it hasnt been up until then that everyone i knew has come to terms with it or has disowned me. My best friends finally had no problem with it and is infact fine with homosexuality because he know they arent what he thought they were cuz he knows me and knows i wasnt like the stereotype. My friends are the only ones who give me shit cuz we use it as a joke all the time, not once have i ever been teased for it. i even told my whole year at the after ball party when i was smashed. Living in a town that wouldnt let Brokeback mountain show until the last minute cuz they had to isnt too bad. In fact ppl r afriad to talk about anything to do with homosexuality around me cuz they dnt want to offend me and its offneds me that being who i am is a big issue. Although its taken like 2 years to finally come out as they say, im glad becuase it made me realise that its not a big issue. Think of it this way, its as big of an issue as me liking water over coke, im might be apart of a small percentage but who gives a shit anyway, its only coke and water.
Post edited by: saarkie, at: 2007/07/16 09:17 When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you. -Lao Tzu
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/08 09:21
By: bonerlover69
Status:
edit
Post edited by: bonerlover69, at: 2008/03/30 13:37
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/09 00:11
By: cyby
Status:
Oops, I accidentally put mine elsewhere..
So just click on that link to my post about my coming out story. Have fun reading!
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/10 22:25
By: borto
Status:
Mike111 wrote: I had been struggling with it for a while now. My mind had completely rejected the idea of being a homosexual, I just wasn't ready for it. I had heard all the stories of gay bashing, even my best friend wanted to beat up the gays. He would constantly make unplesant remarks about gay guys when I was around, and it made me nervous as hell. I couldn't accept myself, and I think that slipped me into a depression where the only thing I could concentrate on was the number of people I would be disappointing, the idea that my friend would not accept me, and society would frown upon me. It almost killed me. I felt as though I had to change, I had to be someone completely different. The confusion itself made the entire ordeal unbearable.
At the time, a Journal entry of mine read:
You think I wanna be like this? Having to be careful of how I act around certain people, and knowing who I can be myself around and who I have to pretend to be someone else to. I guess I use the word bi because I'm not ready to tell people I'm gay, or to accept it myself.
ays someone very open and trustworty. He was the first one I had told. He was cool with it which was awesome. Eventually I gained the courage to tell more friends, until I had told just about everyone in my close friends except the one I felt would never accept me.
A few weekends ago changed my life. We were partying, and we were all drunk off our rockers. Probably a bit stoned too but I can't recall. I had debated telling my gay-hating friend, Chris, for some time now. Other friends who already knew gave me support by telling me if he didn't accept me it was his loss. I guess I needed people to say that really. It made me feel better about telling him.
We were alone in a forest on our way to go toboganning, and my best friend Tom's girlfriend was there. She had wanted me to tell him for a while now and when I told Chris I had something to tell him we all stopped. All of a sudden I realized I couldn't bring myself to say it. I started to cry, and the girl started to comfort me telling me that I should just tell him, and said things like "if he's really your friend he won't care". Well in seeing this Chris grew suspicious, and know really wanted to know what was going on. After about 10 minutes I just blurted it out. The girl was so proud of me, she couldn't believe I had told him, and neither could I. Chris just said "okay". I explained to him how scared I was to tell him because of the things that he said. It took a few minutes for him to digest the information, but he came and hugged me. He had never known a gay person, and never thought for a second that I was. I guess not having the stereotypical gay guy qualities, I changed his perspective. To this day he still feels horrible for some of the things he said.
Well the next day, the three of us (Chris, Tom and myself) went to a party for my work. My ex-girlfriend was there and someone had told me she had been crying in the corner. I went over to see what was wrong and before I knew it she had her arms around me telling me how much she missed me. (We had broken up a few weeks prior). I didn't know what to say. She was already dating some other guy just to spite me, and half the reason we broke up was because I thought I was fully gay and I just wasn't attracted to her sexually. Yet she decides to dump this load on me while we are both wasted and I'm finally coming to terms with myself. Well this ordeal had drawn a bit of attention and before I knew it a couple people had come over to see what was wrong. My ex blurted out that I was gay and I just fell to the floor. Before I knew it the whole damn place knew it. Some said I was just trying to get attention, others could care less. Some refused to even look at me.
Thank god I had my best friends there because I would have been so lost without them. After throwing up a few times they settled me down and told me that they were here for me. They reminded me that they could care less, and would beat the crap out of anyone that tried to hurt me because I was gay. At this point in my life I realized that the only thing that mattered to me was my friends. Their acceptance of me meant more than anything else. What everyone thought meant nothing to me. Those who disagree with how I live my life are just people in the background, there to live their lives and I'm here to live mine.
I haven't seen my dad in 4 years but I told my mom I was gay a couple months ago. She has completely denied it and continues to say things such as "I don't know a single gay guy who can't help me with fashion" or "don't get a girl pregnant". I would like to turn around and tell her there's a slim chance of me getting a girl pregnant but I don't have the heart to do it. I can only sit here and watch the pain of her acceptance process.<br><br>Post edited by: Mike111, at: 2007/03/02 18:52 Wow. I read this and felt I had to respond.
That's a great story, and you're lucky to have such a supportive group of friends. There seems to be a common perception that all gay people act a certain way. A lot of good people say careless and hurtful things that they otherwise might not; because they would never in a million years suspect that someone they are close to is gay.
Most people I came out to couldn't believe it. In what I think was a reaction of pure shock, a friend from work (whom I had known for over two years) actually shook my hand when I told him .
On the outside, it isn't obvious that I'm gay. I think the only reason that gays are seen as being effeminate is precisely because the effeminate gays are the ones that are noticeable. It's a very annoying stereotype.
My experience was very similar to yours. All of my friends, thus far, have been nothing but accepting. My mom also had a similar reaction to yours.
It was October 2005, a few months after I had turned 15. I had gotten a job at the beginning of the summer, and I was running pretty high on confidence, so I decided that after school began, I would break the news... Somehow…
I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was a particularly sunny day, so my mom was sitting in a lawn chair on the deck behind our house. I was sitting on the floor just inside the sliding doors in the dining room petting our dog, and she was talking about an article in the local newspaper about gay marriage. I asked her how she would feel if one of her children told her they were gay. She said that she would feel some regret, knowing that it could potentially make their life harder, but that, overall, she would be accepting.
That's when I told her. "How would you feel if I told you that I was gay?" Silence. Two painful minutes of it. I urged her to say something, but all that came out was simply "I'm shocked."
For the next day or so, she was initially accepting, and lamented only slightly, resigning herself to the fact that she might have to get used to it. As she had said, her only worry seemed to be that it may make my life more difficult.
This didn't last. The next day, while driving me home from work, she pulled the car over and let loose. The night before, a friend had told me that as long as she didn’t cry, everything would be OK. She started crying, and all I could think was “Aww, shit.”
She seemed to think that I had somehow convinced myself that I was gay. Overnight, she had gone from a supporter of gay rights to thinking that it was merely a psychological delusion. I suppose this makes sense. Even our deepest held opinions and beliefs can be challenged when it hits so close to home. It took a month or two and a lot of explaining, but she finally understood. She had, at this point, reached some sort of middle ground between the full acceptance she thought she could muster, and a kind of uneasy truce with my sexuality. We only ever talked about it a few times after this, and it was always brief. She seems to be improving all the time, though.
There’s really no need to waste any more energy describing my dad’s reaction. He didn’t seem to care, at all. When I told him, he just hugged me. I honestly thought my parents’ reactions would be reversed. I was wrong.
Despite all this, I’m glad I got it over with. It provided me with such a great feeling of relief, knowing that I wouldn’t have to worry about it ever again.
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. Carl Sagan
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/10 23:20
By: moros
Status:
I kinda have two coming out stories, one good, one bad.
The first, good, is at school. I started by telling one or two close friends, and they were absolutely fine with it. I decided I wanted to tell everyone so I put it on my Bebo page, and then changed my msn name to "Joel is gay". That worked, everyone knew, and nobody cared I even had people coming up to me and saying well done for coming out which was a pleasant surprise.
The second is not so good and leads on from the first. As you can guess my parents saw my msn name, although I thought I'd kept it well hidden. They called me into their room just before christmas and asked me what it was. I was silent for about a minute, the realised that I would have to say. So I said it. They asked why I had it, and I said because I was. Things went downhill from there, I have lost count of the number of "talks" I have had with my father, I was made to go to confession, he comes and checks up on me if I stay late after school, he says that if I don't stop doing it then I'll have to leave the house. It came close to that yesterday when he was pissed off at me for something, I'm not quite sure about what. If I could I'd leave today, however I'm wating out the next 18 months before I go to university. Hopefully things will be better there... ---------------------------- look me up: http://joelsnape.com
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/11 03:09
By: cyby
Status:
It's always great to have a group of supportive friends who would protect you and support you after you come out.
One thing I guess I didn't add about my coming out experiences was that at least in my HS, when I acted more stereotypical (and effeminate) I acted, to an extent the homophobia reduced. I eventually used that as a protection for myself - if they see what they like and get a good laugh out of it, I won't feel as threatened.
While perpetuating stereotypes isn't such a wonderful idea, it does sometimes serve a purpose. This was a very surprising result to me, and it sort of perplexes me to this day.
But congratulations to you guys since your coming out experiences were quite positive! If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/11 05:28
By: toronto_gay
Status:
my story...unlike others...doesn't end as well, but it was better than expected. i came out first to my best friend Vivian way back in gr.8, previously i had a an attraction to guys, but seeing as i was in a private school i never really what it was. the school was very protective from the outside world. anyways, i came out to my friend Viv and she took it rather well. then i started telling more of my closer friends. some stopped being friend with me, but its at that point that i found out who my true friends were. so in gr. 9 i found out that i was gay and i accepted it into my life. at that time, i was basically open to everyone except my parents.
It all went down the day of my friends birthday party. I was reading a letter my boyfriend had written me because i was leaving soon for my Euro trip. i then realized that i was gonna be late if i dont leave right then. so in the rush of it all i forgot to put away the letter and instead left it on my bed. so i called my parents around 2AM in the morning to pick me up and my dad was like, "gabriel, we need to talk." and i was like...ooookkkk, sure. so i come home and my dad brings me to his room and was like.."what does this mean?" and he pulls out the letter my boyfriend wrote to me and gave it to me. That's when i went into complete shock. I realized that i forgot to put it away and by doing that my parents found the letter. So there was this very long awkward silence in which i ended it by coming out to them and telling them about my boyfriend and all. During that time it looked like they took it pretty well, it wasn't until the days after coming out did i truly see how they felt about it. They stopped talking to me and even stopped looking at me. It went on for another 6 months before we had another talk, and this time they started to become more acceptive. 3 years have now passed and nothing much has changed, they are still unacceptive of it but are now learning to live with it. As for me, i've come out now to a few cousins of mine, and a few more friends. Now just waiting for my parents to accept me as who i am.
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/11 05:32
By: cyby
Status:
Awww, I'm sorry that your experience hasn't been so great. But at least you got that out of you though! Good luck in the future, and thanks for sharing and being brave all this time! If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:Got a coming out story to tell?
Date: 2007/03/12 18:44
By: mountaincombat
Status:
This just happened like within the last week, actually Sunday made it a week, but anywho I came out to my best friend two Sundays ago. I was talking with a friend online and he knew it was eating me away not telling my friend because I had known my friend since like second grade so we were real close. Anyways I called him and left him a message to call me back because I had something to tell him. He called back and my first reaction was to not tell him so I asked about his cousin who I thought something was wrong with because he seemed like something was bothering him.
He said he would check, and the phone became silent, so then I said "I'm not straight. (Haven't exactly figured out what I am.)" And he said "What?", then I said "I know I'm not straight. I dunno if I'm bi or gay or what. I just know I'm not straight." He said "You know that isn't right, right?" "Yeah, but it's who I am, I didn't choose this. (I didn't feel like arguing it for the moment)." He was silent for a while then I said "It doesn't change who I am." He responded with "I know, I'm not judgemental. Hey, I got to go I'll call you back later." Well he didn't call me back that night or the rest of the week, so this past Saturday I decided to call him.
We talked about how each others weeks were going and I mentioned mind sorta sucked. Then we were silent for a minute and I was trying to let him bring it up but the wait was just killing me so I finally said it "Hell, I'll just ask it. Is there anything you want to know?" He said nope and I said okay. He said he doesn't approve of it but he wasn't going to shut me out because I was different and because we know each other and as long as it is what I want he won't stop me. And he knows it doesn't change how I act or anything, plus he said it wouldn't affect our friendship. He asked me if that what made my week suck and I mentioned sorta and that he never called me back. He apologized for that and he said it was because he was arguing with his gf so he had to deal with that. But when we were done talking he told me to take it easy and he would talk to me soon.
That really made my night. I felt so happy and so relieved because I felt like I was lieing to him by not telling him. I know it is suggested to not do it over the phone or online, but two of my best friends in the world know and they found out by phone and both came out with good results.
. 
so i come home and my dad brings me to his room and was like.."what does this mean?" and he pulls out the letter my boyfriend wrote to me and gave it to me. That's when i went into complete shock. I realized that i forgot to put it away and by doing that my parents found the letter. So there was this very long awkward silence in which i ended it by coming out to them and telling them about my boyfriend and all. During that time it looked like they took it pretty well, it wasn't until the days after coming out did i truly see how they felt about it. They stopped talking to me and even stopped looking at me. It went on for another 6 months before we had another talk, and this time they started to become more acceptive. 3 years have now passed and nothing much has changed, they are still unacceptive of it but are now learning to live with it. As for me, i've come out now to a few cousins of mine, and a few more friends. Now just waiting for my parents to accept me as who i am.
