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DYSTOPIA
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Date: 2008/02/05 08:31
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By: Batty_Ben
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We were told to do a thing on hell in english. Two or three sentences max. I got a bit carried away and did this...
A child standing alone in a room, sobbing. His parents decaying corpses crumpled on the floor, covered in blood. The house is in disarray - wardrobes smashed, valuble antiques in pieces on the floor. The knives protruding from his parents chest, driven in with such force that even the rubber handle has penetrated their body.
The soft sobbing echoes through the otherwise silent house. This isn't a home anymore.
The sobbing subsides, too suddenly. He walks over to the corner of the room, slams his back against the wall and slides down into a sitting position.
A dull, monotone chant begins, 'Wake up, wake up, wake up...'
Truly this is dystopia.
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Well Done.
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Date: 2008/02/07 01:01
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By: Avenue14
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I love this. The morbid images that you conjure in the first paragraph draws a clear emotional picture for us. Your opening fragment, 'A child standing alone in a room, sobbing.' doesn't lull us into anticipation, but slaps us across the face with a harsh universal image - the powerful disruption of innocence.
The first paragraph creates a vivid scene for us, and you juxtapose all the elements of that scene through the use of fragments, which makes the action not seem artificial. Actually, these three sentences seem to state this picture emotionlessly - I love how the narrator has very little emotional connection with the subjects (even the concluding line is insensitive and spoken in a stoic tone: "Truly this is dystopia").
Well done.
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