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looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 09:35
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By: dragon_14
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Not all too surprisingly, given the state of society, most people seem to be doing nothing but looking to catch the perfect looking model to have as a trophy regardless of anything that the person has in the faculties of mental intelligence or good personailty. Is there no one left that is looking for something more tangible?
It seems to be commonly accepted that looks can fade, give it time and we all lose the looks we have. Therefore why do people attach themselves to the physical? Have we really reached a point in which there is nothing that matters other then someones appearance, or in some cases the size of their wallet? Would people not actually prefer to be with someone that has more to offer?
I know I am putting this out there as a generalization that may seem unfair, not everyone is only after the tangible parts of people, but too many people seem to be; case in point since taking down the picture on my profile I almost never receive private messages from people I do not first talk with for some time in the main.
Any ideas on why people go for looks or if do you think people actually are looking more? I'd like to hear where you stand on it.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 10:43
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By: itsjordan
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Hey,
What is in someones heart, without a doubt, is the most important thing to me. Looks are very much secondary. Ive had the same bf now for almost 9 months...and i would have NEVER started going out with him in the first place had it not been for his personality. I guess im somewut concervative or whutever when it comes to dating....we where friends for several months before we started going out....so i knew him pretty good to begin with.
Oh.....and you taking your pic off the profile......SMART! I had one on here before....and i got messages from random people all the time that didnt give a rats ass about me.....just wut i looked like...and that was annoying as hell. Plus, a dude harrased me on here forever.....so ya.....picless is the way to go....lol
Jordan
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 11:11
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By: Summ
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I would never want a boyfriend as a trophy. Goodlooking is something extra, you stated it too I read in Your ideal partner. Personality is most important tho, like how can you love somebody with a bad personality. It seems like in the gay world, lots of people only care about having the hottest boyfriend, but that just aint true  . Just look at this forum and you see alot of people with great personalities, and as extras also good looking. So it does exist, but on your question, its probably just something human to want the perfect person, and in todays society looks mean alot I think. There alot of threads in this forum recently about how much love really means in the gay society, and if nobody cares anymore about something extra to the looks. Well for me its the other way around, I would like a great personality, and good looks are offcourse nice .
About ur pic, I dont know. People are tend to read more profiles of people who have pics up, like mostly people without pics, are those who come on for a few times, join the chat with sex requests and leave again. Also pics may say something about the person, I think my pic can show something of my personality already, and you might want to get to know more of it..
Just my views  .
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 11:12
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By: Toddius
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a little of both... the intital phisical attraction is what draw people to talk to eachother in most circumsatnces, but over all the prsonality is what makes a relationship work. If the person is unatractive(like me) you typicly will not take the initive to go get to know them. But, in the same stance if you go up tothe hottest guy on earth and he is a stupid ass a relationship will never exist.(unless your a celberty entirely differnt set of shallow rules there)
Your in my bubble *glares*
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 14:12
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By: Callum Fraser
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Toddius wrote:
a little of both... the intital phisical attraction is what draw people to talk to eachother in most circumsatnces, but over all the prsonality is what makes a relationship work. If the person is unatractive(like me) you typicly will not take the initive to go get to know them. But, in the same stance if you go up tothe hottest guy on earth and he is a stupid ass a relationship will never exist.(unless your a celberty entirely differnt set of shallow rules there)
Whoa. Hint: Dont say you are unnatractive. (1) You are attractive; (2) its a common attention grabber, and a failed one at that.
I agree, looks are the initial attraction and then a combination of looks and personality is what sustains the attraction thereafter.
I wanted this account deleted, but not much unlike MySpace, they wouldn't. Well, here I have a little something.
FUCK YOU GYC.
Maybe that will get the profile deleted.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 14:18
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By: Callum Fraser
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itsjordan wrote:
picless is the way to go....lol
Jordan
While I [almost] wholly agree, "picless" members (on anything; GYC, MySpace, Facebook, Tagged, Hi5, Bebo,...) can also be cause for concern, especially if the age, loc. and interests details are "suspiciously" vague. That is not meaning to say yours are. I mean, I know several members on this forum that have either lied about their age/location/name, or a combination of all.
Also, you could use a more generic image with you in it as an indirect object, rather than the subject of the image. For instance mine has text at the the bottom and the rainbow colour. My image is one of the least high quality I possess.
edited April 17th, 2006
Says me who a few days ago took all my pictures down!
Post edited by: Callum Fraser, at: 2007/04/16 14:13
I wanted this account deleted, but not much unlike MySpace, they wouldn't. Well, here I have a little something.
FUCK YOU GYC.
Maybe that will get the profile deleted.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/21 14:22
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By: Callum Fraser
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Summ wrote:
I would never want a boyfriend as a trophy. Goodlooking is something extra, you stated it too I read in Your ideal partner. Personality is most important tho, like how can you love somebody with a bad personality. It seems like in the gay world, lots of people only care about having the hottest boyfriend, but that just aint true . Just look at this forum and you see alot of people with great personalities, and as extras also good looking. So it does exist, but on your question, its probably just something human to want the perfect person, and in todays society looks mean alot I think. There alot of threads in this forum recently about how much love really means in the gay society, and if nobody cares anymore about something extra to the looks. Well for me its the other way around, I would like a great personality, and good looks are offcourse nice .
About ur pic, I dont know. People are tend to read more profiles of people who have pics up, like mostly people without pics, are those who come on for a few times, join the chat with sex requests and leave again. Also pics may say something about the person, I think my pic can show something of my personality already, and you might want to get to know more of it..
Just my views .
Absolutely true.
More pic:>More hits>More chat>/potentially more annoyance
No pic:>Less hits>less talk/suspicion.
Both situations have their ups and downs. Generic/low quality pics or a mixture work best 
I wanted this account deleted, but not much unlike MySpace, they wouldn't. Well, here I have a little something.
FUCK YOU GYC.
Maybe that will get the profile deleted.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/22 05:40
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By: brazilian_boi
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WELL I DUNNO... CALL ME SHALLOW BUT I GO FOR GUYS THAT LOOK GOOD TO SOME DEGREE... THEN I DECIDE WHETHER THEY HAVE A COMPATIBLE PERSONALITY OR NOT... BUT OF COURSE I WONT DATE JUST SOMEONE WHO IS LIKE THE BEST LOOKING PERSON IN THE WORLD IF THEIR PERSONALITY SUCKS... THATS WHY I SAID... 1ST IF THEY LOOK GOOD THEN I FIGURE OUT THEIR PERSONALITY... SO TO ME BOTH ARE IMPORTANT!!!
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/22 05:48
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By: White_Diamond
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I have a "friend" (ie: someone to go clubbing with) and he's absolutely obsessed by looks. If you don't look like Brad Pitt- you haven't got a chance. It's a really sad state of affairs and it certainly explains why he hasn't got a boyfriend!
For me, I go for personality. I've never been so shallow as to go for looks. I'm not saying I'd date a 40-ton hairy guy but- as long as they have a nice heart, and they care about me- then I'm happy enough. I don't understand anyone who goes through life with impossibly high standards- because no one will ever match up to them.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/22 12:19
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By: borto
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I'm not about to pretend I'm not human. We are hard-wired, to a certain extent, to seek out those among us who are most "attractive." Of course, recently, we have constructed (as a society) many of the notions of what constitutes "attractive."
Things like hair/eye colour, teeth, etc. aren't really the most important things from an evolutionary perspective when it comes to choosing our potential mates. These are probably examples of qualities that we have been 'trained' to find attractive. I can, however, see how physical fitness would be a definite advantage in a potential mate, so this may well be hard-wired into our brains as a selection criteria.
Having gotten that off my chest, I will say that personality -- and particularly intelligence -- are extremely important for me. I am emotionally and physically attracted to the nerdy/geeky guys, so long as they're not the type with bad hygiene or poor social skills. 
My boyfriend is a perfect example of the type of guy I'm attracted too: he's a bit nerdy (like me), funny, smart, and incredibly cute (especially with his glasses). 
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
Carl Sagan
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/23 11:43
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By: ajm808
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Shawn, you sure do pick the complex topics huh?? lol
I read all the other replies and I have to admit that I see relevance (at least some!) in all of them.
I would never pick someone just for their looks. but of cause looks are (fortunate or unfortunately) a part of life.. which we all must accept.
I'll admit I've often used that "I'm not attractive" line (defiantely NOT for sympathy!!), but I'm beginning to realise how much a lot of people dislike it. Personally it doesn't bother me (someone saying that), I appreciate self deprication and humbility in a person.... as long as it's not to the unhealthy extreme. But I have now learnt to stop short of saying that particular statement. You'll never hear me say the opposite though, either!!
I believe that YOU know when a person is right (in your heart), and everyone has their own opinion as to what is attractive or unattractive.
Using the Brad Pitt example.. I'm sure there are many people who would NOT find him attractive.
A quick comment on the having a pic posted or not posted thing. I can understand where ppl are coming from when they don't see a pic... especially if they've been burnt before by ppl that aren't really the people they believe they are talking to... if that makes sense. I'd always prefer to see the person I'm talking to regardless of "their percieved attractiveness". Beauty is more than skin deep, must it still needs to be on the outside (not hidden) ... if that makes any sense!!!
OK, I've rambled enough! Goodnight!!
Cheer, Ad.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/23 14:58
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By: modelbehavior
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I like both, actually. BUT personality is so much more important
ready to uff
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/23 17:27
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By: C_Dude
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Warning, the following are 100% personal opinion: I just reckon looks are the basis of visual attraction, i mean, a rather obvious statement yer, but in most cases, its the person's physical features we are exposed to 1st, before we actually get a chance to get to know the person. I don't think though, that looks stand for much if the person has nothing substantial in personality. I find myself being turned off most noooice as lookers, simply because they're shallow, ignorant, tactless assholes.
So in a way, looks might be the motive at the beginning, but in the long run, you'll fall in love for the quality of your partner's personality. I don't think you can ogle at their stunning features forever, and it might seem weird, but whenever I see aging couples, I can empathize with either partner, thinkin.. "Whenever I see your face, I see the man/ woman who I fell for, 50 years ago." And although they may not mean that at all from their partner's present exteriors, there's something about their existence, their presence, and the person they are, that just rejuvenates whatever was there years ago.
I know it sounds all soppy and shit, but its all from empathy, I often think... How can one wrinkly old man honestly look at his wrinkly old woman the way he does? With the same adoring gaze he would've had ages ago? His mind isn't set on noticing all the flaws his partner's acquired through the years, through their partner's face, he sees depth, history and meaning, which could only have been built around how their personalities sparked together in their younger years. Empathy also allows me, to an extent, to put myself in a situation where I'm the elder man, with a long time parter, who'd be just about the same age as me... And I gotta say, Old and wrinkled as he maybe, I truly would see beyond that, and INTO the person that he is, rather than how much better he looked when we were at the epitome of youthful vigor.
Id SURELY still be attracted to him if this was to be considered. I mean, were young folk here, its hard to deviate from the protocol of checking out looks first, but I'm sure there's a great degree of dependence on what that person's personality would be also. That's usually the thing that gives me that final TUG, that just tells me... Yeeep, you're attracted to him... Our youth means were at the probably at the/ or close to, the peak of our physical attractiveness, so i guess, have fun with it, but don't over-exploit it, love it, don't judge by it, and yer... So in the end, in my opinion, they both play their roles. You're gonna need a personality click for anything with depth and substance though. Otherwise, one-nighters with the next hot dude is JUST the thing for you! lol *hug*
,C
"Keep it simple buds." --Carlooo! Ä
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/23 17:27
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By: C_Dude
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AGGGHHHH!!! Double-post a-effin'-gain! XS
Post edited by: C_Dude, at: 2007/03/23 17:32
"Keep it simple buds." --Carlooo! Ä
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/23 19:03
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By: Iaran
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A person is made up of a million things, of which looks are only a fraction. But I think it's dangerous to completely toss them aside as being unworthy of consideration. The way a person looks, the way they move, and the way they behave can tell you a great deal about them and can also allow you to get to know them better. For example, if you met a guy with a knife-scar on his face, it might indicate that he grew up in a rough neighborhood.
I think most of us have at one time taken a single glance at a person and thought, "yeah, that person is shady." I personally don't trust anyone unless I have seen their eyes, because, in my opinion, a person's eyes tell a lot about their character and who they are. At the same time, personality is very important, but so is a person's past (what have they done with their life?), their hopes for the future, their morality, the way they treat other people.
I wouldn't love a person for, or disregard a person based on, any one of these attributes (except in their extremes). They go together, and cannot really be separated.
...hopefully that makes sense. hehe.
I know what I am going to find, but I look anyway.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/24 09:19
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By: Gumdropster
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I just found out I haven't replied here yet!
The way I see it is that they're both equally important. I wouldn't date someone with a great personality if they look they've been ran over by a tractor. The looks are what pulls me in, so if they look horrid I would never get to know them as anything other than a friend.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/24 11:44
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By: dragon_14
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Seems to be a common thread in this that personality is very important but that people wouldn't try to get to know someone if they didn't have looks. Seems to me that this is paradoxical. The only people that get approached are the good looking. What about those who are great personalities but that no one ever discovers this because they are plain or ugly? I do realize that looks are also something that are extremely subjective, what one person finds attractive another will find ugly.
I do agree that most people won't give someone they find ugly the time of day. I do find an initial physical attraction to be important in deciding who I might consider dating, but looks are really just a plus. I would date someone I initially found ugly if I discovered that they had a good personality and we got along well, I would also grow to find them more attractive based on their personality, as most people tend to.
A good point was brought up about those people that seem to have been together forver and still find each other incredibly attractive since they have grown so in love with the other person. But I would say that this isn't necessarily seeing the person how they originally did. The love that is created, based in my opinion on personality, and love can overcome anything, and make someone seem even more attractive.
Am I alone in my views?
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/25 02:26
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By: C_Dude
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Hey, when you mentioned that don't unattractive people ever get approached, THEN mentioned that attractiveness is subjective, I agreed with both points. But with the 1st point of 'ugly' folks, not being approached, i'm guessing you meant the more universal outlook on what 'ugly' was?
I mean, there is, sorta, a perspective on what really is ugly that most, if not all people would generally agree on. Thing is though, and i'm not meaning to judge prejudice here, but often such a degree of unattractiveness could affect the person in other ways, such as socially, and thus personally, and this could potentially alter their personality in a less-than-beneficial way.
It could make them hard to get along with and get to know. Outcast them, or just make them afraid of people, thereby further enlarging the problem with socializing. We had a similar discussion in biology once (obviously breeding doesn't apply to us) but it was mentioned that 'ugly' specimens often die out due to their inability to attract a partner although humans are generally, beyond this, it is still a factor in courting.
Other than the 'universally ugly', which, if you think about, aren't many people at all, I think its just all based on the subjective view of what an attractive person is, i mean, there seems to be a general, and invisible interpretation of what 'attractive' ppl look like, and many who have features synonymous to this, are often seen as lookers, But individuals who deviate from those stereotypical preferences aren't necessarily 'ugly', just a more acquaired taste i guess? maybe?
And theres ALWAYS out there who has the taste for another, they might just be harder to find for some individuals. The whole 'leagues' thing is based on this stereotypical view of what good lookin people look like, but many people don't even consider that scale. Just yeaahhh... matter of taste, 'unattractive' people i guess are those who's features prove to be more of an acquired taste, that appeal less frequently to less people. It doesnt mean they're universally ugly... soooo ALL YOU MOFOS OUT THER WHO REKN UR UGLY???.... uumm... UR NOT! ur just... special.
and 1 last thing, when i said the thing about old couples still loving each other, i meant it both ways, loving them due to their bond of love together and their personality, but i also meant what i said that when i look into the other's face, i don't see an old man wearing away, rather, the boy my entire system tripped over and fell for, years ago...
Post edited by: C_Dude, at: 2007/03/25 02:39
"Keep it simple buds." --Carlooo! Ä
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/25 02:27
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By: C_Dude
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Can someone tell me wots goin on ere? It double posts mine every single time n its really irritating... I only press submit once, then "return to post" to view it. and yerrr... voila! looks like ive given birth to twins.. 
Post edited by: C_Dude, at: 2007/03/25 02:29
"Keep it simple buds." --Carlooo! Ä
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Re:looks or personality?
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Date: 2007/03/25 06:19
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By: dragon_14
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good points, 'unattractiveness' could have an impact on a persons personality, and we are biologically 'hardwired', so far as the best science we have tells us, to find a specific type of body or features attractive.
The issue of an unattractive/attractive physical appearnce having an impact on a personality could however, have the same impast on the other end, namely the attractive. They could get very full of themselves to the determint of their personality.
There is an issue of the whole socialization creating a view of what is to be deemed attractive though. Why does this differ so much from one society to the next, and in some societies is the 'ideal' actually what people want?
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
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