I guess since I'm rather new here, I should share my coming out story. I also realized that at 23, I'm somewhat older compared to the most of you. I hope that you guys can get something out of my coming out stories and experiences..
So here goes...
First off, a little introduction. I'm Simon/23/NYC and Los Angeles.
I first came out almost 9 years ago now. It was during a fall day in 1998. October 17, 1998, to be exact. This was, and I'm sure most of you guys here are old enough to remember it - a few days after the Matthew Shephard incident. At that point, I was starting to come out to a few friends, with mixed results, but this was a big inspiration to me at that time.
I was 14 years old at that time, and severely depressed for a myriad of reasons - none of them involving being gay, surprisingly. I was still exploring the Internet for what it could offer, and I met a lot of friends. It was actually how I confirmed I was gay.
After the Matthew Shephard incident, I felt the bigger urge to fight for gay rights, be political, and all that. But he inspired me to come out and stand up for myself. While I was teased a lot already in HS, I was not teased for being gay - just for being a small kid and kind of a dork. I was not a popular kid in 10th grade, and I stood barely 5 feet tall, and a light 90 pounds or so.....
Somehow, this whole Matthew Shephard incident was very empowering for me. For once I found people who were supportive of the gay cause. It was a show of popular power, and I was highly moved. It was very inspirational for me, and for once I wanted to stand up for all the anti-gay comments that went around in school.
During a discussion in English class (we were doing Greek Mythology) the subject of homosexuality came up, and many negative comments were exchanged about homosexuality in ancient Greece and today in modern society. I didn't quite know what overcame me, but I raised my hand and rebuked each and every one of them, and let them know that their comments were very offensive because I was gay.
There was a short collective gasp from a few kids around me. I finished my point about subjective morality, defending the ancient Greeks (and myself), and sat back down.
It took a few seconds for me to realize what I just did. I just came out. I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen, so I just stared at my desk for the rest of the period. I remembered thinking that I lived and went to school in NYC - so how bad could it get? NYC is known for its tolerance and openness, at least in the United States.....
Little did I know that my nightmare was only just starting.
By the time I went to my next period, many other people knew. When I went to my next class, people were already coming up to me and asking about me. I didn't know what else to do, so I just confirmed and confirmed the rumors. Yes, I'm gay, everyone. Please, can we move on? I spent the rest of the day answering these questions, and started to notice these stares from some people.
On the bus ride home, I felt unsafe about being gay for the first time in my life. Not just unsafe, but perilous. I read about it online before, and I heard it first hand from other online friends. I was scared, but never as scared as that bus ride. I went to school more than 20 miles away from home, so the bus was the only option. I was teased, poked, called "fag" with such hatred for the first time.... I was really afraid. I felt like I was going to be assaulted on the bus at any time. Nonetheless, I made it out fine, and walked home an hour later. I remembered thinking to myself, "the whole school knows now, and I'm so screwed."
Over the next few months, things didn't get better at all. The harassment at school also started. I would be pushed around, shoved here and there, hit once in a while, but nothing serious. The bus ride home would be the same - it felt like that these people would make it a point to harass me all day and all afternoon.
I seriously questioned my decision of coming out every day. I was being made more and more miserable, and it was affecting my grades. I was afraid of coming out to my conservative Asian parents, who were also Christian. My dad only saw my declining grades and was very upset at me. I wanted to tell him that I was hurting so badly and I wanted out. I wanted to tell him that people hate me at school and that being gay is fucking everything up. I wanted to tell him that I need help.
But I couldn't. I was so scared. I was afraid of being thrown out of my house, or beat up by my dad.
I wanted to tell my school that all this is going on, but I had few friends to start with, and after they saw the abuse hurled at me daily, they began to distance themselves from me. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was all alone at school. I was the gay kid. The only out gay kid. And the subject of everyone's fun. All 3000 of them.
But I couldn't either. I was afraid that they would tell my parents because my safety was at risk. I was afraid that the administration would not understand my position. I was also depressed and powerless. I wanted this to all go away, so I decided to just see how long I was able to hold myself together. I believed that there was nothing I could do but to take all the abuse.
During all this, the Internet really helped me out. I sought out friends online and it was the only way I gained enough support to avoid having to attempt suicide again. I think by that time I attempted 3 or 4 times since 13. This list was tremendously helpful, and I literally thank it for saving my life many times.
After New Year's 1999, things got worse. I started to be followed around at school, or beat up harder, or even threatened with weapons. I had a 6 inch blade held up to my neck in a corner more than a few times. I still could not muster up the courage to tell my parents or the school of my troubles. I figured that at the worst, I would just have to physically defend myself, or maybe just become a statistic. Or maybe if I get beat up and die, perhaps that could contribute some more awareness to the plight of GLBT youth.
All this climaxed one day in March. I was chased down and beat up by 7 or 8 guys at school. I tried to defend myself, but that was not successful, of course. I broke 8 bones that day.
But what pained me the most was that I could not tell my parents that this was gay related. I still had to hide things from my parents and beg the administration not to tell my parents that I'm gay.
I couldn't believe I got myself into that mess. Five months of coming out and that was all I got. It was insane. I really wanted to end it all. So, I opted for a whole bottle of prescription strength opiates. Of course, fate had it that I didn't die from that. I took too many and just threw up for days. My body got over it though, and my parents didn't find out.
After pleading the administration (or threatening to expose them to national press), I got more protection and I felt safer. Being gaybashed was truly the worst part of my coming out experience.
I had another scare about a month after that - my cousins found out that I was gay online. They were really conservative Christians too, and I was terribly afraid that they would tell my family. When I got home one day to find a lengthy email from them, I thought the nightmare was going to begin all over again. I did the thing that first entered my mind - and threatened them with suicide. I told them that I would be patient and answer their questions about my sexuality, but only if they promise to hold it a secret forever.
For the next few years, I got myself back on track, got into some advocacy, and just really experienced the other sides of NYC gay life - the good, bad, and ugly. I went through the best and worst of it. But I was no longer afraid of being out. I was able to live with my head held up high.
Over the years, I've had more than a few chances of coming out to my parents. I left copies of gay literature around, and they've found gay porn on my computer. I was never called to quite explain it - I was just told that they didn't approve of me having this stuff around. I quietly acknowledged it and moved on.
4 years after I initially came out at HS (exactly 4 years, in fact.. Oct. 17, 2002) - I decided spontaneously to come out to my parents. I drove home from college that weekend to just come out. I discussed a lot with them that weekend. Of course, my relationship with them have improved a lot in those few years - as my teenage years winded down and my father became older, we both calmed down a lot and was able to discuss things more intelligently.
Coming out was surprisingly anticlimactic. A few hours of discussion later, with me basically ranting with them about my problems and issues - my parents just kind of shrugged and asked that I don't let this stuff affect my grades, and they went to bed.
I was flabbergasted. I would have never expected this kind of response. I almost felt cheated in a way. I spent a lot of effort over the years hiding my sexuality from them, but it turned out that they never cared. Of course, at nearly 19 I was far better prepared to tackle the fallout associated with coming out than at 14, but I was not prepared for that. I stayed awake most of the night, just reflecting on all that went on over those few years.
I'm not sure if my parents ever told anyone else in the family. That was more than four years ago, and it was never brought up again by my parents. I have no desire to discuss my private life with my parents or anyone else anymore.
My philosophy of coming out has also evolved over the years - I went from being totally shy to totally open to it just being a part of me - and not anyone else's business. It's so natural to me now that I don't even think about it anymore.
So that's my little coming out blurb. I'm sorry that it came out longer than I wanted it. I've actually already trimmed it down....
Anyway, there's a lot more I would like to add, but we'll see what happens.
Thanks for reading! If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/09 22:21
By: zhar2
Status:
WOW, thats A story, im kina afraid of coming out at school bacouse of that also,although my college got stric laws against homophobia plus the people that i know seem to be relaxed about gay stuff, but it still scary becouse i dont got 3000 to deal with, i got 17000, plus i dont seem to notice anyone gay, i wish i knew gay people in my college, well atleast im out at home, but i just gota give it to you, you are wonderfull, such a surviver, i just hope you are happy right now becouse you deserve it.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/09 22:25
By: cyby
Status:
Hey, thanks for reading.
Colleges can sometimes tend to be not so bad. People are more open minded, and you have a much better choice on who to deal with and who you don't. Back in high school, it is definitely not as easy.
Does your school have an LGBT affairs office/clubs? Perhaps that's a good place to start. Trust me, you'll find them in the least suspecting places
*hugs* If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/10 06:55
By: ken17
Status:
that really sucks.....at least your story has a good ending, with you parents being all okay with it.
with me, i've come out of closet to a lot of people.....all of my friends and even most of my class of 160 knows. first of all, this is a Catholic all-boys high school and i guess we are quite accepting....bullying to such extremes, like in your story, is non-existent at my school. however, my parents have no idea....for one thing, i act really straight while at home. i'm quite sure they wouldn't take it well. one being i'm Asian, conservative parents, only child, and only grandchild.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/10 11:35
By: Summ
Status:
Yes thats a story! Nice of you to post it down here. Im happy your parents took it oke, after these bad HS years! I think you can be proud of yourself!
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/10 13:11
By: cyby
Status:
Well, happy or not, it had to be done. Going through all that was well worth it. I learned and I grew a lot from coming out, and I think if all the crap didn't happen to me I wouldn't be near what I am today...
You'll be ok too, ken17. Everyone comes out in their own time, or not. If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/10 13:14
By: cyby
Status:
Thanks so much for reading, Summ
I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself though. I think it was a lot of luck and just a lot of brute will to strike forward. I wanted to end it all at quite a few points - I just failed!
Anyway, that's all water under the bridge. I hope you enjoyed the read.
*hugs* If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/10 21:30
By: mountaincombat
Status:
Wow...... that is just wow. Only three people know I am Bi/Gay (not entirely sure what I am) and out of those three only one kinda sorta freaked out which didn't surprise me, but I intend to call him today. But I have this sneaky suspicion that my grandmother knows since I accidentally left the computer on a gay site Though I do defend GBLT people, just not completely saying that I'm not straight like you did. Only reason I don't say that is because I'm like in the freaking heart of the Bible Belt
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/11 00:02
By: zu_22
Status:
Whoa...that must've been a tough time for you. I've gotta say that its amazing that you've stuck through it, I feel so happy for you. I can see how you feel. I still havn't come out to my parents yet, or anyone for that matter. Though, I think most of them know. I used to get beaten up for it too, even though I havn't completely come out yet. I kept denying that I was gay, just to stop them, but that didn't stop them chasing me a quarter of mile on my way home from school once. I was so scared, and there's no-one I can tell... I am so happy that you came through the other side. I hope that you never have to go through that again.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/11 00:50
By: cyby
Status:
mountaincombat, thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment Good luck to you though! It must be a lot harder being in the bible belt - although what I had wasn't easy - and surprisingly not easy considering it was New York City - it just goes to show how careful one must be when coming out... If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Re:My Coming Out Story
Date: 2007/03/11 00:55
By: cyby
Status:
zu_22, that actually reminds me of another experience about a year and a half after I came out....
My junior prom was held on a boat that went around Manhattan in NYC. It was pretty and I had a blast. However, as I left to try to go home - I had to walk to take the subway and all that - a group of kids were trying to harass me all the way to the subway, and ended up chasing me for about half a mile or so....
until I called a cab. They knew I was gay, and I knew they were after me for that reason too - but I knew I couldn't defend myself against a few people trying to come after me. Plus, I didn't want to ruin a nice silk jacket I was wearing....
Remember to stand up for yourself - just not blindly.
Thanks for being so encouraging! *hugs* No, I don't have to go through that again, and I hope I can do my best to make sure that nobody else does! If a, b are positive integers such that (ab+1)|(a^2+b^2), prove that (a^2+b^2)/(ab+1) is a perfect square.
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Though I do defend GBLT people, just not completely saying that I'm not straight like you did. Only reason I don't say that is because I'm like in the freaking heart of the Bible Belt 
I can see how you feel. I still havn't come out to my parents yet, or anyone for that matter. Though, I think most of them know. I used to get beaten up for it too, even though I havn't completely come out yet. I kept denying that I was gay, just to stop them, but that didn't stop them chasing me a quarter of mile on my way home from school once. I was so scared, and there's no-one I can tell... 