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Re:coming out stories
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Date: 2008/08/10 20:09
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By: LotusPetal
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Status:
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In all honesty, this might seem like an essay, but I feel I should tell someone everything, you know, get all of my thoughts out of my head. Sorry if none of this makes sence.
I've always liked girls, there wasn't ever any confusion for me about that. I always knew that, even if I didn't know the words to express it. Even before a girl kissed me I knew I liked girls. It was always guys that tripped me up and confused me. I never kissed a guy til this year, which defenitly cleared everything up a bit. I've had boyfriends before, I never kissed any of them though. In a relationship with a guy I always got freaked out within the first two weeks. At first I thought it might of been because I had problems with relationships, which in all honesty I do, but now I think it might have been because I never dated anyone I really liked. That's because I never really felt like I liked anyone, sure, I acted hyped up about relationships with guys because that's what I thought girls were suppose to do. But really for the last 15 years of my life I've just ignored any sexual feeling I've ever had. Like if there was a girl I really wanted to kiss, I ignored it. I always told myself it was because I had better things to do. After doing that for years I felt like I had no sexuality, because I started doing that instantly, and that's what I told my friend 2 years ago. I wish I could say I sat down with someone who helped me figure everything, but I never have really. Well, in a way I suppose I did. I was talking to my friend Kevin on the phone, and I told him about everything. How some weeks I felt like I couldn't be attracted to anyone and then how there were some weeks where I liked girls. And I asked him, "How do I know what I am if I can't seem to get anything right?" And he told me not to try to figure it out, that everything would be figured out with time. He told me that last year. And I've been thinking about it ever since then, and I've figured out that I'm me, I love girls, I could never picture myself happy with a guy in a relationship, but still occational think a guy is hot. So I came out to my parents, which felt like it was going to be a bold move right? Wrong, turns out they figured it out years ago. I'm still confused with how they knew  But it's okay, I know a lot of people from my school are confused about me and what i'm attracted to, because I'm foolish and depending on what day who talked to me I would say different things, but I'm me, and I feel that's all that really matters.
ps.
Darn, that was long. I kinda wanted to write more about my emotions through the whole thing rather then others. But in all honesty i'm lucky. I go to a school where people just don't care about others sexuality, my parents will always love me and pretty much don't care if I like guys or gals, and my sisters reaction was along the lines of 'So what?' Heh. But right now I just want to figure out how to ask the girl I like out 
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