When I was 13 I was abducted into a peadofile ring, drugged and sexually abused for 5 weeks. When they were eventually caught they were sentedced to 25 years in prison each. I have been in therapy for 3 years now and am finally begining to inderstand that I was not at fault or to blame in any way. I have been told over and over that I should have empathy for them, and forgive them, as they are misguided souls. I still dont agree with this. These are people that prey on youngsters, groom them and build up a confidence until the victim trusts them implicitly. They are parasites and prey on young poeple to satisfy their own deviant outlook on sexial behaviour. They have no empathy for the ones they abuse, so why should I have any feeling for them, other that a deep loathing. They have ruined my "growing up" years, and im only now beginning to understand love and what it means to be loved. I have to live with this for the rest of my life - whereas these monsters will be out of prison as soon as they possible can - free to seek out their next victim. Should prison sentences be harsher? Should life in prison actually mean LIFE in prison?

Ugh i just wrote like loads and now its gone cus of the stupid backspace key! ugh.

Anyways the jist of what i said was that peado's should be imprisoned for life. People generally do not change and how does anyone know that the people won't re-offend. Its not just peado's but rapists too.

Waverider, I really hope one day you can completely understand it wasn't your fault. It was brave of you to start a discussion on this. If it was me in your position i don't think i could forgive them. Why should i? Why should i forgive them for their perverse nature? I just couldnt.

Stay safe dude

Waverider, I won’t say that I feel sorry for you, because I know I never wanted pity myself, but I say I sympathize with you, and even though I can never know your situation other then what you have spoken of, I feel for you. My situation was different for yours, but at the same time it was a lot alike. I was never abducted, but I was physically and sexually abused by my moms boyfriend from the time I was 9 until I was 12, in my own home, surrounded by family who either didn’t see or didn’t want to. It is a wonderful thing that you are getting help to understand that it wasn’t your fault, it is a hard thing to get through. I am like minded to you on the matter of pedophiles. In my mind the sickest thing you can do is hurt a child, and it is unforgivable. I never spoke out about my abuse, I never got help, I never got justice, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. It is a horrible thing, a thing I am glad you do not have to go through. You are a very strong, very brave individual, I can tell by your words alone, I don’t need to meet you to know this. Sometimes Fate is a sadistic bitch who just loves to fuck with you, and you survived, that alone is amazing, I know there were times and still are times that I don’t feel like surviving anymore. I am sharing my story, now, with you and who ever reads this, as a way to tell you, you are not alone. I know you have probably heard that before, but I hope that you will believe it. Keep surviving and make your own opinions, forgiveness is good, but forgetting is just stupid. Stay true to yourself and what you believe, don’t let anyone tell you that you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. You can feel any damn way you please. Anyways I am sorry if I come off as sounding dumb or weird or whatever, but I hope I didn’t. I hope I helped, even if just a little.

It is easy to let emotion outweigh rationality.

Soulfire wrote:

QUOTE:
It is easy to let emotion outweigh rationality.

I was kinda wondering what you meant by this. If I understood it right, then you are right, but only to a degree, my emotions due to past experiences do play into my opinions, but they do not factor out rational sense. You do not have to be abused, to consider it inexcusable, but it does sometimes make your opinions stronger, and you more willing to state them.

Soulfire wrote:

QUOTE:
It is easy to let emotion outweigh rationality.

Yeah, and it's easy to talk the talk.

Anyway, despite what some paedophiles are like (or the phaedophile society sees on TV), some live in complete self-hatred and isolation because of their sexual habits. They did not chose to be the way they are. I would say they should be helped (some not others obviously), not treated like animals, like those guys living under a highway bridge in Miami for example. It's very difficult to do anything though unless you start messing with imprint reprogramming, and it can be disastrous.<br /><br />Post edited by: jag2010, at: 2007/06/14 09:48

People that do things like that make me sick. I have a friend that went through a situation similar to the situation danie_girl described. That is never something that is easy to deal with, and not something that people should have to worry about going through. I admire anyone that is willing to talk about what they have been through in such situations, it is never easy to drudge up painful memories like those.

As far as the question of whether they should be locked up in jail for the rest of their natural lives.... I know from criminology statistics that I studied this would really do nothing, a very sad truth... What would be best to be able to do, in my opinion, would be to classify this type of offender as a dangerous offender, and to treat them with intense pstchological therapy until such time as they are deemed fit to rejoin society. The only thing that does seem to work with any type of criminal is therapy and that sort of thing, simply locking them up makes things worse. By classifying the moer dangerous or sick people as dangerous offenders they are off the streets indefinetly though, only to be realeased if they aren't seen as a threat, and that is the best anyone can do in rehabilitation.

As far as the idea of whether you should try to forgive such people for what they did to you.... Many people say that there is a therapeutic aspect in forgiving, but it is something that you should do to help yourself, if you think it will, and not to give anyone else satisfaction. It has already been brought up, but there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. You should move past it, but not forget. I hope that made some sense....

As far as if pedophiles should suffer, I think they should, but I also think they should be treated so that if they ever find a way out they are less likely to re-offend. I seem to be thinking myself in circles on the suffering... I have a hard time saying what the suffering should be.... but they did take someone's innocence, and in a terrible way.... anyway, that is what I have to say for now...

I hear what you are saying. I agree with the therapy side of things. Am I not an example that therapy does work? However, there is an achilles heel of this line of thought. For the victim therapy is the conduit for healing, a process that takes as long as it takes. For the purpotrator therapy may well be the source of awareness of what they have done, but it is limited in that if offers no guarantees. It is not an exact science, with defined boundaries. The best we can hope for is that an offender does not re-offend. Sorry but that's not good enough for me. Lets face it a peadofile only comes to light when caught. And there is a significant percentage of peadofiles that do re-offend when released back into society. One more victim is one too many. But lets get these people into the best specialist therapy we can. (Can this be achieved in a prison environment?). This still doesn't provide the assurance that if released they will not re-offend, but it will hopefully provide them with the tools they need to think twice before making the conscious decision to seek out another victim. I would imagine that rapists fall in this same category, although rapists differ in one immensly important way. A rapist's victims are adults. A peadofiles victims are children. As a child I did not make the concious decision that I wanted to be abused. The adult did. As a young strong gay community with a voice, what more can we do to protect the innocence of children?

I understand what you mean when you say that therapy isn't an exact science, and the question of whether a prison is the right place for it... answer is no; our prisons are not suited to that type of thing. If however, the offenders are kept until such a time as the therapist feel they are very unlikely to re-offend that would be the best scenario, unfortunately this can't really happen with the way our prisons are set up, and obviously it needs to change, especially in this type of case (Sexual offenders have the highest level of re-offending of any type of crime).

I also say that therapy for the victim is a must, I do think some of how it is done needs to be changed though. As I understand it now the victim, or the victim's family, needs to pay for it; they should not be the ones that should pay, but it should be the offender or the government.

I do have one question about what was said.
waverider wrote:

QUOTE:
As a child I did not make the concious decision that I wanted to be abused. The adult did. As a young strong gay community with a voice, what more can we do to protect the innocence of children?

This seems to imply that when an adult is raped it is their fault, and not the fault of the offender. If that is what you mean I would have to disagree with you on that. No one wants to be treated like that. I do think is is a disgusting thing to rape anyone, child or adult.

I think being sexually assulted at any age is one of the worst things that could happen, and it is no ones fault but the offener's. I think that people who assalt someone should serve their time, be it is prison or whatever. I have a biases opinion on the matter of pedophiles, I know I do, because of my history, but I do think that in some ways sexual assult against a child is worse then against an adult. I am not saying that when it happens to an adult it is no big deal or anything, it is a big deal a really big deal. I am just saying that when it happens to a child it can ruin their lives before they could even live them. I know I almost let it ruin mine. I have been in and out of therapy since I was 9, my parents didn't really know the reason behind it, they just knew I didn't want to live anymore. I have tried to kill myself more times then i can count, and I am ashamed of that. LIfe is hard, really hard, sometimes it is so hard it seems like it would be easier to just not live, but life is also beautiful. Life is the most beautiful gift we were ever given, and like all beautiful gifts, others will try to take it from you. You just have to keep on living, and try to restore you life to its once beautiful self, and that can be the hardest thing in the world.
I have a couple thing to say before I end this, it is already longer then I meant for it to be. The most painful part about my abuse was not the actual abuse, it was that I was never told it wasn't my fault. I was alwyas told that sex was bad, and only bad girls let men touch them &quot;there.&quot; I felt dirty, I felt like it was something that I had done to deserve it, I felt like a bad person. I have to remind myself even now that it was nothing i did, that it wasn't my fault. Always know, Waverider, and anyone else who needs to hear this, that it isn't you. Life is full of bad people, and sometimes life pushes those people at you. You need to push back, push on, don't let it destoy you, and i know it is hard not to.
When I was 13 I fell in love. I was amazed i didn't think I could love, but I did, I fell in love with a girl almost as damaged as I was, and when her parents found out, they sent her away. where they sent her to, she was physically, mentally, and sexually abused, to try to &quot;make her see her perversion&quot; and she was told that GId didn't love her anymore. Now to those of you who don't believe in God, this would have no effect, but to a girl who was brought up learning that God was everything, the only one who would never forsake her, she couldn't handle it, and she killed herself. Now you might be wondering what this has to do with anything, and I am probably way off subject, but what it has to do is that since I can't live with her anymore. I live for her. She is my thing to live for even through she is no longer living. With any trama, be it physical or sexual or mental, one of the most inportant things you can do is find something to live for.