I suppose I should get some advice on this, because my friend will be of no help and I'm FOR SURE not gonna talk to a counseler about it.
Which parent should I come out to first? I know that it's inevitable -- there's just gonna be no way to avoid it. When I'll do it is also a factor, but I figure when I'm ready I'll know. I suppose the relationship between each parent and sibling would come into play, too, so I'll describe how we interact. Thankfully, it won't be too bad -- my sister's a raging lesbian, so she's kinda paved the way for me. My sister's another story, but we'll get to that.
My mother and I have a very strong relationship, not just because I came out of her (key word: OF), but because we think alike. For the most part we have the same views, I come to her with most of my problems, and she's able to help me out a bit. It's a fantastic thing we have together, and I know that she's not gonna care if I'm gay or straight.
My father, on the other hand, I have just about nothing in common with. We don't look at the world the same way, don't like the same kinds of music/activities/movies/whatever. Just recently, however, we've started to talk a little bit at a time. We've just started to get along, doing little things together, and things have been good thus far. He, too, will not give a shit if I'm gay/straight/bi/whatever.
My younger brother has his thing going, and I have mine. We get along fine sometimes, other times we don't. It's the typical sibling relationship, I suppose. I am very worried about how he'll handle being the only straight child in the family. Hopefully he won't overreact. . .
My sister and I -- now that's a story. From the time I was born up to about Jr. High School we got along so very well. It was fantastic. Then, soon afterwards, she got into the wrong crowd, where she met her current girlfriend (she's gay too, remember?). Now, it's not the lesbian part that bugs me. It's the fact that she wants this crappy life instead of going to college and getting a career. Over the past two years it's just been getting worse. Her girlfriend doesn't like me, and I know it, even tho she insists on being overly nice to me every time I see her. They have kids together (not adopted -- her girlfriend had a boyfriend before my sister.), and that doesn't bug me, but what DOES bug me is what they're teaching their kids (stay tuned, I'll explain). Her future looks very VERY bad, and I fear for her safety.
Still on the subject of my sister: I recall that we got in a fight about something stupid. We started to fight, both verbally and physically. Since then, things have never been the same between the two of us -- we barely talk, and every time she comes over I go to my room and hide until she's gone. I also seem to remember my sister & her girlfriend getting in some trouble a while back. They went to a party where they drank and hung out with some people. One of those people happened to be a child molester (which, to my suprise, they knew about before hand [WTF?!!]), and the other was just pure scum. They made out with eachother and started to cause some problems. About that time (it was past midnight) some neighbor of theirs called the cops. They took the child molester BACK to prison, and held the rest of them at the cop shop until the parents showed up. Well, we live right behind the jail, so they just took the two of them to the house and talked to my mom about what they did. Now, I told you that story to tell you THIS story. While my mom was outside dealing with the cop, they were inside with my brother on the couch. My room was next to the living room, AND my door was open, so I could hear everything they said really clearly. The girlfriend just started to say things like "If Brian had done this it wouldn't be such a big deal" and "Brian's just a spoiled brat, what a fucking queer." Like I wasn't sitting right there. What disturbed me was when my sister and brother just agreed with her. They must really hate me. Ah. . . fantastic, then.
Back on the issue of coming out: I know that if I come out, all my sister & girlfriend will do is make fun of me and start rumors about me. It won't be a very fantastic experience for me or anyone else involved, and I know it. I REALLY want to put it off until the last minute with her.
As for the public's view of me, I really don't give a rat's ass. I live in a small town with a lot of small minded people, so the thought of homosexuality is completely unheard of to them. Of course I'll be made fun of and poked fun at, but I go thru that sometimes, anyway, so I'm used to it. And I might get beat up once or twice when I do, but I'm tough enough to handle that. The other half of the people there don't care if you're gay, as long as you don't hit on them. I can handle that, too.
For those of you who made it all the way thru, thanx for listening.
All comments greatly appreciated.
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