I love him so much sometimes I think I am going to faint. He does not know. He would not be into it. He will probably turn me down and laugh at me. When I think of him, I can hear my own heartbeat going thousands miles per hour. I want to come out to him but I am afrain he will punch me in the face and walk away. And then I won't even have a friend. No one is aroudn to discuss - all straight, mom and pop from Europe, among immigrants this is shame and wrong, great wrong, been on my own for some time, can't even talk about that with them though. I attended a religious school and hung out for the most of my life with straight peopel or religious people, decided to cut old connections and try to live my life as who I am. Then met him. My world changed. I am so scared, no one around understands. Where I live people are Catholic and tough men, they will beat me up or will be mean to me, they already suspect..Please, help.

First of all, I understand your pain. Though my crush is not so radical about gay guys, he is almost certainly straight and we could never be together. As for your environment, it certainly is hostile. I wouldn't come out if I were you. I know it's hard to keep things under control into yourself (it almost drove me nuts...) but rather than being agressed and hated I'd wait. It's important for those people to understand that this is not a personal decision and that you are under no circumstances responsible for being gay! If you want to put it this way, it is God's will, as (though I don't believe in God as the church does) He made us this way. The only problem is persuading the church about this, which is probably the biggest impediment of the gay community.

And hey, you are NEVER alone. In case you haven't noticed, there are a lot of wonderful people here to who you can talk to, share your thoughts, problems, feelings, ideas... things which otherwise you couldn't share! This community helped me greatly, and I'm sure it will help you too. I'm also sure you will make a lot of friends around here.

If you want to talk with somebody, you already have someone. Feel free to PM me whenever you feel like sharing a thought, or just speaking with someone. Though I'm not always online (I ain't out yet to my family, and therefore, I cannot enter on the site while family's around the comp) but don't fear. I almost always reply (unless something intervenes) as soon as possible.

Good luck, and have faith that things will get better. Keep in mind: you are not alone!

Love,
Mihai

Take a deep breath and relax for a minute darlin.. Sounds like the place you lice is gonna be a bit of trouble for ya if they knew, so don't tell them. As far as your crush goes... Have you seen him with any other gays? does he know about any? If so, how did he react to them, that would give you a pretty good start at figurin out how he would be to you.

I've gotten a little trouble from the folks 'round here, but not as much as I would expect considering all of the crazy religious people. So I can't quite relate to how your town would be..

I guess the only advice I got for ya is to just keep movin, maybe get out of that town someday so that you can be yourself without worryin about them churchy types sendin a mob after ya.