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Age Concerns PDF Print E-mail
Advice & information
Monday, 25 October 2004

Age ConcernsEveryone seems to have a different opinion on the matter of age. Is it ok to date someone who is significantly older or younger than you are? When does it matter? Why? These are a few questions that crop up.

 Where does the issue stem from?

In terms of dating, concern about age exists when it is between the very young – say sixteen or so – and the significantly older – say twenty six and upwards. But what is a ‘significant’ age gap? How should I, when I am presented with the prospects of a relationship with an older man, judge the age gap? Perhaps it is a matter of how much I trust that person.

What might be worrying about the age gap in the case of teen vs. twenties is that the relationship may be unbalanced. The older man or woman is most likely to have more experience in love, relationships and sex so will have an entirely different set of expectations from the younger half. How familiar are you with one another?The pressure of these expectations (say sexual wants) may be stressful and demanding on the other who perhaps wants something completely different. This is one concern age gaps could be said to hold.

On the other hand experience is a very attractive thing. So is the recognition of culture that comes with years of life experience. Perhaps money is attractive to you – fair enough. Yet however much experience someone has this will not change others points of view about the issue of age between teens and twenties +. If you are a person who is affected by the opinions of others with ease or feel damaged by criticism – then perhaps in the long run an open relationship with an elder or younger person may not be for you! You may find you get turned off your partner because of the constant backlash from others – you may find such a relationship is too much like hard work.

Why should it matter?

In a case where two people are trusting and truly familiar with one another, where there is love; there is nothing wrong with it, really. What might be wrong about it is this: perhaps it is wrong that people should criticize it without really thinking about the situation it grew in. If it was born out of a whimsical decision, with little thought or time put toward it – an argument can be made by some. But if the relationship has been cultivated over time, gradually and with care – then it should be accepted. It is very easy in this day and age to call someone older a perv’ and someone who is young a whore.

Another side to this is the idea of exploitation. There is something about mutual loves – mutual in the sense that the two are at the same point in life – this suggests that exploitation is not happening. With age it might be hard to tell whether one or the other are being exploited for their looks, wealth or lifestyle alone. Some would say that age gaps (again in the case of teens and twenties+) present problems around it being superficial. But I would firmly argue – whose business is that?

For loving relationships - 'follow your heart'. This idea follows from a philosophy that cannot fail. Slightly utilitarianistic (seeking happiness), yet with a hint of the selfish gene glimmering through.

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Comments (40)
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12-08-2008 01:52
i think i truly depends on the situation.for example im 16 i was with some1 over 20 and mentally i was completly on his level.physically no becus he couldnt keep it in his pants lol.i have nvr been with some1 in my age range but is just becus im not the average 16.im not nieve or quick 2 fall in love.i do however understand how age can pose as a problem weather it be some1 taking advantage of some1 of jail time lol.really if u think u grown enough 2 put urself in dat situation then be grown enough 2 handle the consequences...
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05-08-2008 10:03
This is bull. Teens are not old enough to date people in their twenties. It is unhealthy. There is no way possible to have a good, healthy relationship. Too often it is a case of transferring in which you are wanting someone like your parent. Finding this in a romantic relationship with a person seven years your senior will only make you hurt more. And there is no such thing as a twenty + year old that is into a teen and isn't a pedofile. If their love is pure, they can wait five years. Otherwise, you're fucking discusting. I mean, are you serious: who the hell wrote this? 
Age shouldn't matter if you are both adults, but if one of you in a vunerable teen, both parties are asking for trouble
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18-07-2008 00:47
the little experience i have has been from older. as old as 35. i never was forced into anything and was always treated good, i can see if ur forced in to something painful or ? would be wrong
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16-07-2008 15:40
You know it is really both kinds of things. It matters but then again it doesnt matter. If you love the person and they love you back then it shouldnt matter but if you were oh to say have sex with the person who is older than you like maybe in their 20's then it would be rape if you were in your teens like maybe 16. But it shouldnt really matter if its love. And the maturity level really shouldnt even matter. I mean its like an adventure. Say your 16 and you meet someone 24 And you love them. and they love you. Its like an adventure really because you have different aspects on life and you might do things way differently. Its all some big new thing that you could really look forwards too. I am only 16 but i have the maturaty level of an adult when iwant but its like a painting. Something new and interesting.
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10-07-2008 11:53
i think age is very important no too long ago i was on a chat sit called stickam and i set up a profile and a 19year old guy came on and started PM me after a few days he was asking about boys and that kinda stuff but he did take advantage and i think it is very important for young teens to know this.
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02-07-2008 09:18
I dont see why age should be a proble as long as you love the and they love you there should be nother roung with it. 
 
The hard part is trying to find out if they really love you and there not just saying it in a way to get what they want from you. 
 
It may just be me or it might go for many but i think that the younger you are the more vonribal you are to danger and other thing but a man/woman saying they love you could be the start of somethink good or bad. 
 
Its you disigion to follow you hart and make the right choces. 
 
guy100 xx
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29-06-2008 17:29
I dnt think it should matter how old you are! As long as u luv each other and it works then y worry! :zzz My parter is quite older than me and we get on fine! shes 20 an I'm 17!
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23-06-2008 20:27
you know, I'm not sure. i think there's two sides to this you know. i think it's important to consider the positive and the negatives of age gaps. but in the end, your age does not define you. =) 
 
anybody want to be friends? just send me a message or connection request or something. i have none so far.
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23-06-2008 20:26
you know, I'm not sure. i think there's two sides to this you know. i think it's important to consider the positive and the negatives of age gaps. but in the end, your age does not define you. =) 
 
anybody want to be friends? just send me a message or connection request or something. i have none so far.
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22-06-2008 13:57
doesn't really matter for me. teens and twenties+ just be have fun. where the love hm. ......go on :)
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20-06-2008 21:45
Age should not matter but in today\'s society it plays a big part in a relationship wheather you like it or not. For starters, there can be a lot of tension in a relationship if someone is under the age of 18 and their partner is 18 or above. This is becuase in Canada at least, the 18 year old can be charged with statatory rape, wheather or not the other was willing. Furthermore, the matority level also varies. If you are going in a relationship make sure you both know what you want and be smart about it, don\'t act out of lust.
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03-06-2008 15:02
well i jus think that you should be able to have a relationship with anybody BUT then u think ong the is like pedofilik lol what do u do
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03-06-2008 09:24
i have a older boyfriend who always seemed to let go of my hand when police are near. i wonder if he nos that dating a younger person isn\'t illegal
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02-06-2008 15:35
age is very important when it comes to a relationship.you will find that most of the older people tend to take advantage of the younger people since they view them to be naiive
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01-06-2008 21:27
Age does matter, becauses in the end, if your a 21+ year old and say going out with someone 16 or under, then your going to have different maturity levels and different ways of life, like not being able to go clubbing and live your life normally because its just too completely different worlds.
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01-06-2008 21:27
Age does matter, becauses in the end, if your a 21+ year old and say going out with someone 16 or under, then your going to have different maturity levels and different ways of life, like not being able to go clubbing and live your life norally because its just too completely different worlds.
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27-05-2008 17:37
well right now I'm dating someone who is 18 and I'm 15 but we have talked about it and we're both okay with it. 
now teens and twenties, I personally think that's a different story. I think you should be careful if you're say 14 going out with someone who is 21+. It is about love but I've never met a 14 year old with the maturity of a 21+ year old. But like I said, just be careful.
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20-05-2008 22:41
well what about if your 17 and hes 14? i havnt even like talked to him because of our age i really like him but im scared?
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08-05-2008 22:19
Comming from someone who has dated someone much older then I, I find it still a confussing subject. Love concores all and age should not matter but one thing not mentioned in this article would be the sexual atraction. If you are younger yourself and dating someone older it may be hard to be sexually attracted to them. I know that should not be a big problem but it is much harder to date someone you love and have no sexual atrction to them. I peronaly found that to be a hard hill to climbe over. Yes you love this person and yes you wnt nothing more to be happy with them but if you are not attracted to them physically it is hard to share personal alone time with them.
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08-05-2008 04:57
age should not matter its just a #
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07-05-2008 20:50
:) :grin i dont care lol
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07-05-2008 07:00
i back this story up 100 percent i dont think that age matters as long long as the 2 love eachother and yes there might be different thing because of age but theyll both learn and if they both love eachother its completely there own buisness
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25-04-2008 14:39
At 15 I've had a short relationship with a 19 y/o and it turned out to be a bit too complex for me, with him being into "kinky" and kinda weird stuff to be honest :upset He also said he was gonna come up to Liverpool from London and I just got the feeling he was so much more independant than me, and like your article says that's a turn on but at the same time it can make it an unbalanced relationship. Well that's my opinion anyway :p
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24-04-2008 17:48
Excellent article, however, I also feel that there is a huge difference between a couple who are 15 and 19, vs. a couple who is 25 and 29. By the time you are 20 or so, most of us have a more mature view on things and have developed pretty much to the full extent, of course there will always be exceptions! Whereas there is a huge gap in the mentality and comprehension of a 15 year old and a 19 year old.  
 
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it can't work, or that it's wrong, but merely offering my two cents worth.
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23-04-2008 01:19
I just turned 18 like 2 weeks ago. There is this boy i know that is turning 13 next month. We were watching Tv. and he looked at me, then i looked back, then he kissed me. I didnt know what to think/do, because the age difference. I like him too, and i dont know what to do. I seen him like 2 days ago, and its not weird between us, he just smiled and said hey. I am so Confused. Lol
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15-04-2008 11:46
I think that maybe age depends on what age you are at! you have to remember that there are laws surrounding sexual relations with minors so you cant date a fifteen year old if you are nineteen!!! :zzz
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12-04-2008 18:31
umm i kinda have this goin on right now >.tends to point it out =\ we dont notice until someone does however and it makes us feel awkward and like we shouldtn be together. we've been together since november 12th and still havnt had sex. everyone is POSITIVE thats what its about. if it was it would have happened already ... my parents moved me just to get me away from him so now we're currently in a long distance relationship. bout an hour away. but we see each other occasionally, without them knowing of course, and have a great time. i love him and i dont see why people should try and stop this.
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11-04-2008 22:01
sorry the " 8) " in the last post was supposed to be an 8 and then a ), but it got changed into a smiley *doh* it should say "who is 18".
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11-04-2008 21:59
theres a guy in my school in upper sixth (he is 18) who is planning to go out with someone in my year - who is 14 - and all my gay friends (well, all two of 'em) are completely ok with that, but i am not sure. so far i have just been going along with them - and of course i will be fine with it too if there is no sexuality involved. does anyone know what the law in the UK is like?
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06-04-2008 01:46
:upset I think that I can choose a lover....even though I aam TOO YOUNG!!! 
 
(so you say)
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29-03-2008 05:32
i am dating a 15 year old (i am 13) and we get along really well.. But that's mainly because we connect emotionally and mentally and cognitively... so the age gap isn't really interfering with anything because i am able to draw my abilities to that level/age.. I am 6ft so i am tall enough 
 
The only thing i cant get up there is my..umm package size. But if your partner really loves you, then all will be fine. 
 
It's best to make sure that when you meet some one you actually love them for them, not just their desires or their package. Especially if it's a relationship with an age difference.
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19-03-2008 02:08
People that go on about age gaps terrify me. 
 
Not because I'm afraid of them, but more because I'm afraid of turning into a paedophile or a necrophile. (Possibly a bit extreme.)
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27-02-2008 16:03
:grin this is a popular issue to explore isnt it *dances to some music* where was i? oh yeah , i personally find older guys attractive probably up to the age of 35 - because beyond that would be too freaky for me, but if you love someone you should follow your heart to an extent, i personally believe that fair enough if your with an older guy but done have sex till your at least 16 and if he badgers you about it then hes not worth it. i personally am 16 and would be happy to get with an older guy, but be aware guys (older) if u sleep with someone under the age of 16 you can go to prison even if the person doesnt want to press charges i think its up to the parents so just b careful. i personally couldnt go for someone who was alot younger than me because you might be ready for a relationship but they may not be mature enough to handle a relationship. 
 
probably mixed ma points ^^ lol
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21-02-2008 03:23
I agree that love transcends age but far too often the young are too naive for there own good and the older enjoy taking advantage of this. Also while a 25 year old and 30 year old isnt really a big deal when you start the issue of a 20 year old dating a 13 kids at 13 don't know what they want and are not mentally or physically developed enough in most cases for a real relationship.
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20-02-2008 07:32
omg im 13 and am dateing an 18 year old and liekhes never asked to ahve sex he is very romantic and nevers pushes to far 
 
as long as they love each other and get to know each ohter b4 anything rash age should not matter
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18-02-2008 06:59
age does not matter 
as long as ur truly in love then thats all you need...being old does not define a person
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13-02-2008 20:15
Respect each others boundaries, don't put any pressure on the other, and if you love each other, go for it. I don't care how big the age gap is if there's true love there.
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08-02-2008 17:16
yeah well im not sure im 14 almost 15 and i know this guy whose like 23 and he wants to date me but im not sure and i have a issue with age difference sometimes i mean i normally only go 4 year older or younger so im not sure give me some advice if you can
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05-02-2008 03:02
Yes i agree with ost of you people about age shouldnt matter as long as you love that person. l am 19 and was dating a 15 year didnt last long at all but l loved him none the less and still do and always will. but the problem with dating soeone that age is theres risk of being accused of being a pedofile. whick l am not. but sadly this lad l was dating who was 15 has or is goign to inform the poilce about it. and l dont know wot to do.
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04-02-2008 22:59
I'm 16... my ex was 27... I just broke up with him about two or three days ago. He was way too old for me, and we couldn't really relate...  
 
I guess it's different for everyone!
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