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Gay Youth and Self Harm Print E-mail
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Saturday, 23 February 2008

ImageThere is an increasing concern amongst the gay community about the number of young LGBT youths self harming.  There has been plenty of awareness raised focussing on the age group most likely to self harm but little has been done to look specifiically at the incidence rate in the gay community, Until now.  The GYC has teamed up with LifeSIGNS, Self Injury Guidance & Network Support who have kindly written the article that contines below.  Here at the GYC we are passionately interested in all of the issues that face young LGBT youths as they make their decisions in life and come out to those around them.  Should you have any concerns for a friend, or just need some advice yourself then please do not hesitate to get in touch with LifeSIGNS directly, or the GYC who will gladly point you in the direction of any relevant advice.

LGBT and Self Injury

If you buy gay-interest magazines, surf gay news sites, or are part of any of the gay community websites then you've probably heard everything you want to hear about 'gay rights', 'queer politics' and the 'pink pound'. Truth is, you may well be sick of being spoken down to by the older queer leaders of our so-called community; does anyone have anything of substance to say anymore?

Homophobia, ignorant parents, disgusted friends, hate crimes, HIV, fashion, sex and bed-hopping dating; we've heard it all before, and everyone knows that the latest generations of LGBT+ people are bored of the same old messages, while older people are just busy getting on with life, without buying into all the latest social trends and must-have bedroom accoutrements.

I won't be able to even mention Self-Injury Awareness Day without many of you clicking away, thoughts of Emo and Goth kids leading you to dismiss self-injury as a melodramatic phase of wannabe new-romantics. Kids who haven't read Silvia Plath but intuitively understand pathos and want the chemical romance of it all.

Well hold that mouse hand, and take time to accept that there's a preponderance of self-injurious behaviour among gay people, to such an extent that it outstrips emo culture.

So why is it we're keen to dismiss self-injury, but we'll jump up and down and wave our rainbow flags at the mention of homophobia?

The fact is, it can be pretty shitty growing up with no local role-models, and only Shameless on television to show you what gay boys do. GaydarGirls have even fewer models; where has Rhona Cameron gone and did we ever like her anyway? Bring back Sandy Toksvig is what I say...

On top of all the usual pressures, money, grants, social pressure, the drugs, the alcohol, the violence, crime and complete misunderstanding of the educational system, you half-fancy your best mate and people are wondering why you never get off with anyone at parties. If you are bi, people assume you just can’t make up your mind or are trying to fit in everywhere, when in fact you don’t fit in anywhere and both your male and female mates are scared you might fancy them. Is it any wonder that self-injury is something that gay people learn to rely on in times of worry and self-doubt?

Self-Injury Awareness Day is on the 1st of March, and I'm not asking you to care; I'm just saying that if you know someone who might be relying on self-injury, please take them seriously as people; they're coping as best they can. Let them know they're not alone, and that there are organisations that can help and inspire.

You could send them to LifeSIGNS for instance; not many people know this, but LifeSIGNS has been gay run since its founding in 2002.


Wedge and Jules,

The LifeSIGNS Voluntary Organisation
Self-Injury Guidance & Network Support
www.lifesigns.org.uk
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02-05-2008 23:23
the thing is most people around you that see that you had hurt yourself for relief of the pain some of us go through every day, dont understand what goes on in our heads. i knew it was not acually right and i knew that it was something that i shouldnt have done. but i did it anyways. and no one understood that. they say it hypocritical. and they think im less of a person than i was before but im not. and even when i told my problem to the face of the problem. she didnt listen all she did is put me down and hurt me more. and because of not being able to hurt myself anymore just causes more pain. because the fear of losing what little i have to hang on to is unbearable. and i hope the reader of this understands. and doesnt do what everyone else did to me.
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02-05-2008 18:18
:sigh You know what makes me really sad is that people never seem to understand what really goes on behind self-harm... Bieng one myself and knowing a few others, people don't seem to realise that each person's problems and insecurities are as individual as they are. Some truly are attention seekers, others use it as the only comfort from a horrible world. The main thing that bugs me though is that people think that they can change that fact. Maybe it is wrong and maybe I'm wrong but the fact is is that our pains and our experiences make us who we are. I can't condemn self harming cause it's saved my life more than once...
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26-04-2008 00:40
when i used to self harm, i didnt even know there was a term for it- thats how little awareness of it there was around. 
 
self harm is a vicious circle. people use it as a relief, but at the same time its a burden. i think it was that realisation that made me stop. if you're relieving one thing by adding to another then thats not helpful is it?
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25-04-2008 12:04
Im 16 and self harmer, and theres just those days when i want it all to go away, theres been times where iv contemplated suicide. 
People have a habit of hurting me or make me think that i've let thm down or some shit. 
I hate how i feel, im always a mixture of anger, rage, depression.  
People turn around and say im an attention seeker when they don't even know me or ask me whats wrong, i just, i hate it all, and wish it would all go away. :sigh
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18-04-2008 16:41
I'm 16 and a self-harmer, unfortunately. I guess I never could understand how it started and why I do it, but I feel it helps. It does take a lot to do it, not only do you have to think about doing it, you have to think about what others will think if they see what you are doing. I tried admitting it, to my parents, but I just went pear-shaped; now they hate me even more. I hate to think what would happen if I was to come out to them. There is so much pressure to hide who I am. So much anger, hate, sorrow, depression. I feel lost, confused, unsure where to turn. I guess that is what is causing it, plus it is causing social problems. I find it difficult to talk to someone, knowing I'm hiding something from them and I'm sure they know that I'm keeping something from them. What to do, eh?
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16-04-2008 17:53
I'm 18 years old, and i've just reached that age where i see that i know absolutely nothing. Self Harm is a horrible thing, and anyone who does it have my empathy and understanding... It is a hard thing to do and although not necessarily respectable, it does take a lot of courage. Don't believe me? See my scars...  
 
And on that Dramatic note, Ciao 
 
Rowan M! 
xxx
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12-04-2008 12:19
im 13 now n im growing up in a v.homophobic area in huddersfield,west yorks and iv been put in hospital coz ppl fort i waz gay (which i am but dats nt da point) so i startd self harming because i didnt fink i cud be my self or anything around any1 and it got very frustrating and these last few months iv finaly stoped coz itz nt worth it at all things are still rough but i get through them a diff way now :zzz :)
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06-04-2008 01:15
I've been a self harmer for about 4 years now and it was for various reasons. But the past 6 months I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. It's extremeley hard. I go to a school that seems to be quite homophobic, and I'm meant to be a Christian, and of course any way that means loving something other than God and someone of the opposite sex is seen wrong in the eyes of God. I went just over 3 months without harming, but just recently have become very down, mainly about my sexuality. I fancy my best friend. Who is very straight and has a boyfriend. I don't plan to tell her, because she's been there for me through so much and I don't want to loose her as a friend. These are the things that have really driven me to my recent return to self harming and I can totally see how it can bring itself into problems with sexuality. If possible as well while I'm here, if I could get any advice on what to do about my best friend and my religion and parents on the coming out front. Thanks =]
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01-04-2008 23:37
I just think it's shameful that anyone should feel the need to inflict harm upon themselves. The fact that no one seems to pay attention to the LGBT self harmer's really shows modern society for what it really is. No one should be made to feel so bad that they think it necessary to physically damage themselves. 
 
I'm lucky myself to have had understanding friends, (not to say coming out was smooth for me, because it was a stressful process) but I know many people don't have that luxury, and it makes me sick that people can be so cruel about things that, chances are, they don't understand. 
 
In the end it's important to remember that no matter what your going through, chances are someone else is going through the same thing, so my advice to anyone who is self-harming or even considering it, isn't to talk to a specialist psychologist but to talk to someone who's been through what your going through, and talk to them about how you feel. Because if anyone will get it, they will. 
And most importantly try not to worry, because usually (as in my case) your friends aren't as homophobic as they seem.
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31-03-2008 00:45
im a 15 year old gay guy, school is so difficult when everything kicks off, parents try to undertand you but really, they have no idea. i started hurting my self , bites, cutting , burning, and even pouring bleach on my skin, it hurts like hell.. not worth it, 
 
we as a community are too different to fit in, thats what people dont get, why are we different. when i came out it wasnt my choice, someone caught wind and i was outed during school. i felt as though everythin was gonna end, but it didn`t . the pain is still to much and is hard to deal with, sometimes i justm wanna talk but there is noone here, there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, yeah were different, yeah we dont follow the trend , nut SO WHAT . its our lives. you only live once so dont live a lie , just tlk to someone, even just 1 person.
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29-03-2008 00:50
im sixteen and started self harmin about two years ago... 
 
it began when i dint know my sexuality..and that was frustrating in itself..not knowing where i belonged and not knowing where to go to talk to someone.. 
 
since then..well the stress gets to me..if its not exam stress its relationships..i dont think its directly assosciated with my sexuality..i mean if i was with a girl..i guess id deal with my emotions in the same way..its just the fact that its harder to talk about with family and so forth..
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28-03-2008 03:07
I am so angry with who I am right now!!!!!! I live in a homphobic family and I have to pretend to be someone I'm not!!! I just want to kill myself because my life sucks!!! :( :cry
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21-03-2008 17:26
I'm a fourteen yr old lesbian that is just getting out of an addictive realtionship with cutting, burning, and such. From when I was ten til about really late thirteen I did such acts of self injury. It got so bad I had to get 34 stitches in my arms because I had cut too deep. The point is though, that I had learned by the time I was nearly five that I wasn't interesting in boys the way 'everyone' else was and I could feel and see the hatred and condemntion people had from me just because my sexual orientation. Of course that was not made better what so ever by the sexist, abusive brother I have that is now in a trail for raping me as a child. Wow a trip down memory lane much. But all the hatred I felt from my peers, friends, and even selective members of my family just made all the anything I had for myself turn into a deep burning hatred.
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21-03-2008 13:44
I'm a sixteen year old lesbian now, and I've known that I'm gay since I was ten. From eleven 'til fifteen I cut myself, burned myself and held my breath until I nearly passed out. Some parts of where I live, West Yorkshire, aren't exactly gay friendly, so if anyone vaguely picked up on the fact I didn't like guys then I'd get abuse. This hate made me hate myself and believe that no girl should, would or could ever love me, so I hated myself more. I hated myself like I thought every other girl/woman would hate me and punished myself for it. 
Bad times.
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18-03-2008 15:32
Self-injury sometiems only seems the way a way out fo this senless blulshit of hate we call life just cause were diffenrt not only that but ontop if that we go trew what eveyone else dose more or less just adding to the stress
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15-03-2008 14:18
yeah i think there is a link tbh =/ i have been cutting for about 2 and 1/2 - 3 years. i think at first there were some issues to do with my sexuality that encouraged me to do so, but now i just happen to do it because of other reasons.
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05-03-2008 19:49
I used to cut, but for different reasond though...
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01-03-2008 18:49
In theory, it is because of the number of reasons listed. Ingorent parents, disguisted friends, it IS shitty growing up around people who have no idea what you're going through. The overall discrimination of homosexuality is so great nowadays, it sickens me. Self-Harming is a way of stress-relieving - most of my friends do it. It's not because we all want to die or anything, but it's an outlet. Self-Harming isn't as bad as most think, but then to some, it's more serious.  
I do think that it's important for self-harmers to seek help. It's important that they find another outlet. But before any of you go up to your friend and tell them to immedietly stop harming, you need to have a plan to help them outlet their pain.  
And, Just a side-note, I do find it interesting that most of this happens in the gay world, but like I said before, it's because of the homophobics. To them, homosexuality is unequivocal, thus, they fear it.
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01-03-2008 03:22
It's really great that you brought this up. I cut, although I'm not as bad as I was a few years ago. I started before I figured out that I was bi, but just the strain of keeping it from my friends (a few who are very anti-gay) isn't helping. I still have scars from four and a half years ago.  
 
So again, thank you for bringing this up. It's an important issue for some of us, although it's less important to many people than I think it should be.
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29-02-2008 19:58
I think it\'s awesome that you have brought this up! I didn\'t expect to read so many comments from people who self-injured.
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28-02-2008 21:09
i can understand why it crosses peoples mind i have never self harmed and yet i have had some bad experices with coming out yet things always heal with time well they get better i lost some friends but i have gained some amazing ones i believe that self harming is only a realse of angression or pain inside so why dont you take up maybe sports or something in which you can get rid of all the anger :) i did and believe me it works in more ways than one haha just look after yourselves be who you are and never change it for anyone x
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27-02-2008 02:16
I used to self harm, even before I thought that I might be gay or bi. It's something a lot of people don't know about me. I try my best to be open about my past, but it's seems harder to tell someone that you self harm or used to self harm than it is to come out to them. Self harm is, I think, very misunderstood. I think that things like awareness day, articles like this, and just by talking about it are helping others who are in the same boat. Am I making any sense?
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26-02-2008 19:42
if it hadnt been for my mates (and 2 staff members) i would have started cutting again when it leaked im bisexual.  
its hard. you just feel alone. but you're not the only one so dont be scared to talk to people
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25-02-2008 03:41
The subject matter is very true. I grew up in a small town in the mid west. The whole town was full of hicks, rednecks, and sorry for the use "bible thumpers." My mom is a hardcore christian. Faced with the fear of loneliness and gay bashing, I told nobody. It wasn't until January 08 that I came out to my parents and townspeople. But I still had to cope, and I could think of no other way but to cut myself. I wore scars on my arms and legs, but nobody ever said anything about them and the scars went away fast. Eventually the teachers wised up, and while I never went to see the counselor, they did take all knives and razors from me... I found another way. I started burning, it hurt more and the scars lasted longer. I thought that by matching emotional pain with physical pain, I could get through it, but I was wrong. I try real hard not to now because that makes my boyfriend sad. If I feel like I'm gonna lose it, I quickly throw my knives and when I'm mad I have no idea where they are, and I didn't bring my lighters to school with me. So far so good, thanks to all my friends here on gyc as well as my boy friend and the few good friends I still have at home. :)
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25-02-2008 03:00
So true, so very true. It sucks the stereotyping that self-harmers get and how it's immediately stuck with the Emo/goth cultures. It's not fair to us or them. Self-harmers are all around you. They're the perfect cheerleader, the teacher, the straight a student, the popular hot jock. You never know when you may stumble upon someone who self-harms. 
 
Wear orange march first to show you support Self-Injury Awareness!
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24-02-2008 23:58
Tonight I was in a dance show and had to wear a vest. It showed the scars on my arm, no one commented or anything. It felt good. I was so scraed people would ask and stuff knowone noticed,
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24-02-2008 21:10
Wow, it's true, except with me it was the other way around... 
 
When I first came out gay, after two years of hiding it and sobbing away the 'guilt' under my bedcovers every night, I realised that hiding it away is pointless. 
 
Within a month of coming out, I stopped self-harming - I had a counsellor - and my population count expanded (save for the ones who just couldn't understand my love for other boys). 
 
Now I'm happier, and it's just being here on the GYC that makes me see how silly I was to think I was alone. There's so many people like me - thank you, GYC! 
 
x Tyler x
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24-02-2008 02:01
when i first found i was gay i was going through a very harsh moments and i really didnt need to know i was gay so that made it even harsher ...i remember i just wanted to die so i used self harm myself 
today the scars remain in my arms
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23-02-2008 21:39
i have self harmed in the past and now i have scars on my arms and legs =( i have stopped now though, although i still get thoughts of cutting now and again =(
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23-02-2008 17:08
I am a cutter and I would like to stop. I believe this will help me because I have my friends from theGYC and I love every single one of them. I also have bipolarism and the two interfere with each other. :cry :(
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23-02-2008 15:23
I self injured and was suicidal for years, and by pure chance and with the help of my friends i survived. Thank you so much for bringing this to the attention of people.. not many realize what an impact it makes on your life.
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23-02-2008 13:20
i self harm wen thingz get too much and i think that people do need to be aware of the subject coz we aint all emo kidz we r normal people but self harm is the only way to get rid of the pain that u feel inside so plz be more aware
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