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 It's hard to get life right. Nobody is perfect. Especially when it comes to relationships and romance. But hopefully after reading this comical Memoir, "The Dos and Don'ts of Keeping him Sweet", you'll be one step closer to perfection.
DO – Tell your partner how much you're in love.
DON'T – Tell your partner you're in love with his father. DO – Surprise your partner with a gift once in a while.
DON'T – Surprise your partner by claiming you 'have a gift' which is that you're Jesus and want to repent his sins. DO – Write loving messages in valentine's cards.
DON'T –Write, "I want to express my love for you physically by inserting my penis into your bottom and moving it rhythmically until the point of ejaculation. Prior to that we may kiss or perhaps touch each others genitals". DO – Use candles to create a romantic atmosphere.
DON'T – Use atom bombs as mood lighting. DO – Playfully pinch, nibble and poke.
DON'T – Throw a glass of acid. DO – Kiss gently.
DON'T – Kiss a donkey's willy. DO – Prepare and make a wonderful meal for two.
DON'T – Prepare a Big Mac and chips by candle light claiming it's an old family recipe and in actual fact your sir name isn't Collins, "it's Macdonald". DO – Enjoy meeting your partner's friends and family.
DON'T – Enjoy eating your partner's friends and family. DO – Hold hands when walking together in public.
DON'T – Hold each others knobs when walking together in public. DO – Share special moments with each other.
DON'T – Think that a special moment is when you finally make 'splash down' after 3 hours constipated on the toilet. DO – Play romantic music during sex, dinner and peaceful moments.
DON'T – Throw a full-blown rave. DO – Use a condom during sex
DON'T – Use a cheese grater during sex. DO – Comment on how lovely your partner is looking.
DON'T – Throw up afterwards. And so concludes this chapter on the Dos and Don'ts of keeping him sweet. Just remember, you want to do the "Dos" and don't do the "Don'ts" – I'm confused! Eh–Oh... I've just done a do.
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wow! now talk about funny. id like to know how to keep her sweet.
but I thought over some of the finer points.
