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Home Page arrow Advice & information arrow Coming Out arrow James' Coming Out Story
James' Coming Out Story Print E-mail
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Friday, 03 September 2004
Mine, pretty much was a breeze. I told my sister and my brother-in-law about 6 months before I told my parents and so I'd had experience of how people I loved could take the news anyway. Luckily for me, my sister was great about it, as was my brother-in-law who just said, 'Yeah…and…?'


I then got to the stage where I was going nuts not being able to be myself within my own house. Instead I was packing my bags and going to stay with my sister at every possible moment, because there, I was accepted. So, in the summer of 2003, I set a date 2 weeks ahead, where I 'had' to tell my parents. The night before this, to make sure that I was going to tell them, I quickly told Mum that I wanted to talk to her and Dad the next day. Of course, she asked the questions I'd expected, 'What about…? Is it bad…? Are you dying…?', but I just told her, I'd speak to her in the morning.


"Something that I'd been dreading for years, was over in a matter of seconds"


The fateful day arrived and I awoke on Sunday 13th July (notice I happened to choose unlucky 13). Everything seemed normal, it was odd. No one said a thing to me, and Mum even went out shopping. I was now worried that she'd forgotten and once again I'd have to bring up the subject. Mum then came into my room on her return and asked if now was an appropriate time to talk. I said yes and she went and got Dad. They sat on my bed and I told them I had something to tell them that I'd wanted to tell them for ages.

I told them, and there was no going back. Something that I'd been dreading for years, was over in a matter of seconds. They had no idea, which I thought was surprising and made things worse. Mum's reaction was, 'Why didn't you tell us earlier, instead of living a lie?', and Dad's was 'This doesn't change anything between us'. They were fantastic. Behind the scenes was another matter. Whenever I was out of the house, they were in tears. It took them a few months to come to terms with it, but now, a year on, they are greatly accepting and are amazing about it.

I know that compared to many, many people, I've had it easy. And I know I'm lucky. But just remember, you are who you are, and if you can come to terms with it, then everyone around you should be able to. Live your life to the fullest, and don't be afraid of who you are.

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Comments (40)
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28-06-2008 07:21
aww i wish mine will go as smoothly as urs did man
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25-06-2008 23:56
I dont think my family would ever accept it, my dad especially hes always says homophobic statements and jokes :sigh but im glad for you! well done ive been hiding it for nearly 5 years and im still scared to tell anyone :sigh :sigh
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18-06-2008 23:17
i would never do that my dad would flip and forget i existed start callin me names like cock sucker or fudge packer :sigh
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28-05-2008 04:34
I thinking tell my dad because he don't know adout me being a bi and I have told my mom about it and she acceptt it good the only one that I have to wooried about is my dad can you give some courage to tell him because I'm sacred?
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16-05-2008 15:41
a day before my birthday good choice lol, nice story, but i dont want to tell everyone that im bi, or atleast that i think i am, i just dont want people to know, idk :?
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26-04-2008 00:07
good for you! im gonna try coming out at a few weeks of being 14. wish me luck. :)
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21-04-2008 01:20
no one in my fam knows except my lil sis. :cry
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17-04-2008 13:40
You're really lucky and you tell the story nicely :)  
Redbull: I agree that sitting your parents down and actually telling them seems more like giving a big deal about something, but it would be a lot worse of a shock for most parents if you showed up to prom with another guy/girl.  
In our society today, people naturally assume everyone is straight, so we have to tell them "No, that's not the way I am".
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29-03-2008 04:37
this was helpful thanx! :grin
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25-03-2008 03:01
hey nice story, i recently told my friends couple of weeks ago and it took time for it to die down, i admit it was hard but now everythings fine, jus waiting to tell my dad, dunno wen the rite time is, but yeah really helps reading ur story
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24-03-2008 19:41
bullshit u dont know who u are at age 13 it could change so i think this is very wrong a very bad rolemodel for everyone..  
and also what i think wrong is you dont have to go and say i am bisexual dad or i am gay mum do straight ones go and say dad im straight NO ! so why should we doing that seperates us from others
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23-03-2008 17:57
i dont know if my uncle will take it ok he always hates gay and makes fun of them im terrified.
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18-02-2008 04:37
your story sounds m uch like how i want mine to go :grin
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14-02-2008 13:11
aww omg. this made me have tears in my eyes. it really makes me think of telling my parents soo much. i don't live with them though >_
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04-02-2008 05:05
Good idea to tell your sister and brother-in-law first. I dont really know who to come out to...
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09-01-2008 19:31
how can i tell my family that i am bisexual :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry
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16-12-2007 06:20
You came out on my birthday =] good choice of day
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03-12-2007 01:58
Hi thanks for the story, it really helped me.
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03-12-2007 01:58
Hi thanks for the story, it really helped me.
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03-12-2007 01:57
Hi thanks for the story, it really helped me.
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18-11-2007 16:37
Im gay and am thinking about coming out to my parents. I have come out to my brother and he just shrugged his shoulders and didnt really care, I have also come out to one of my best friends and he was really nice about it. I am scared to come out to my parents but i dont think they will be too bad with it and this story has really encouraged me. :)
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18-11-2007 16:37
Im gay and am thinking about coming out to my parents. I have come out to my brother and he just shrugged his shoulders and didnt really care, I have also come out to one of my best friends and he was really nice about it. I am scared to come out to my parents but i dont think they will be too bad with it and this story has really encouraged me. :)
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18-11-2007 16:36
Im gay and am thinking about coming out to my parents. I have come out to my brother and he just shrugged his shoulders and didnt really care, I have also come out to one of my best friends and he was really nice about it. I am scared to come out to my parents but i dont think they will be too bad with it and this story has really encouraged me. :)
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06-11-2007 03:39
im bi.. and i dont hv ethe guts to tell alot of ppl about me.... my mom would be cool.. i think dad wouldnt tho.. ugh.. but if/when i have kids im goin to sit them down around the age of 12 and have a talk with them that if they decide to be gay or what ever that i will accept them... and if they do decide that they are ill come out to them
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21-10-2007 14:10
My mum and stepdad were great with the whole thing about me being lesbien,but i live in a homophobic school and i told some people that i now dont trust.Im worried that its gonna get out around the school so its still scary even after youv came out. :sigh
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28-09-2007 22:20
REMEMBER THIS: U ARE WHO U ARE. THE DAY BEFORE U COME (OR CAME OUT) UR THE SAME AS TODAY AND IF PEOPLE DO CHANGE THEIR VIEWS ABOUT U BECAUSE U ARE GAY, BI, LESBIAN, YELLOW, PURPLE OR WHATEVER! U ARE WHO U ARE . AND U CANNOT FORCE PEOPLE TO ACCEPT U! AND IF THEY CAN"T F***** THEM! TIME WILL COME WHEN PEOPLE RESPECT U FOR WHO U ARE!
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18-09-2007 20:19
hey great story 
i wish i had your courage 
my mum is gay so i'm not sure if it would be easier or harder to come out 
is anyone else in the same situation 
if you are send me a message so we can chat
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18-09-2007 20:04
;)  
 
well, i'm glad for you! 
 
i haven't had the courage to do it yet, and my parents wouldn't believe me if i did, because i'm "Too young" to know. 
 
i will someday and it's stories like these that make me feel better. 
 
thanks, i admire your courage. 
 
:)  
Xo~chelle~oX
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11-09-2007 01:49
i am still scared :sigh
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30-08-2007 21:17
ok... so my comming out story is a bit long so i'll use the copy i wroteto a friend so here it is....... 
 
 
oh man.... i got home at like 1 and my dad was in the door waiting... i pulled up in the driveway and he shut the door.... i went in and went to my room... he came in and he was like... "is ther anything wrong or something you needs to tell us..." i was like "no theres nothing wrong"... but i never said anything about the wanting to tell him something part... but he kept say that over and over andthen he was like... "you mom seen something" so i went out to the living room and to look at my laptop and my mom was after reading a conversation that i had with another guy.... and sh probly read ors too... i think we talked last night??... anyway... i lid down on the couch and he went and sat on the loveseat that was accross from me... he kept saying "is there anything wrong or do you need totell me something... and i always said that there was nothing wrong... but he kept say is there something wrong... that really pissed me off... anyway... i lke cut him off and like screamed "DAD I'M GAY!!" he was like... "its not natural" and i was like "no shit... it is natural i didnt choose to be like this!!!" and he still went on with the not being natural thingy... then he took off his ballcap slapped it on the floor and started bawling in between his legs... i was like WTF!! i never really said that but hey... i was some pissed... but ya... i got up went to my room and got my cellphone... went out to the doorway of my mom and dads room where my dad was knelt on the floor bawling in moms lap... i was furious... i was like... "i'm leaving... i'll call you tomorrow" and dad was like "no dont go" and started patting the bed for me to come sit down... so i did... he was so freakin retarded that i had to move his hand so i could sit down... anyway they got on with all the bullshit of "are you sure" and "how do you kno??" and AGAIN "its not natural"... so i was like screaming "I'VE HID MYSELF FOR 18 YEARS AND I'M NOT HIDING NO LONGER!!" then i walked out the door and went to my aunt melvinas for the night...... 
 
 
 
and thats it... this morning when i got up we talked again and there was no change... the were like begging me to go strait... i was so mad and i'm still furious that there like this... its breaking my heart... and then if i started crying because they were being like this they would be like "see!! your not ok with being gay" and i'd be like "i'm crying cuz your being like this!! i'm proud of being gay!!!" and ya... thats where we are now... crazy eh?... but i think this is long enough so for anyone else out there i dont kno what to say... come out to your parents but i'd wait until you move out if possible... but its completely up to you... now that i am out to my parents i feel ALOT better and SOOO relieved... so talk to you all later!!!
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23-08-2007 21:44
ya luky that your mum an dad both acsepted you obv they love you very much some parent find out then disown they child :) :)
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20-08-2007 02:12
wow your story was so inspiring i just told my mum she took it very well :grin
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12-08-2007 21:18
:cry 
I just told my mum and dad and they did their mental nut. Thanks a lot.
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dave gomes
12-08-2007 21:14
im scared of my dad n mum they r psychos wholl do a mental nut what should i do?
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dave gomes
09-08-2007 08:26
well my story isnt so cheerful, i came out way back when i was like 14 and all my friends and their parents were completely fine with me being gay. when i turn 18 i thought it was the right time to come out to my parents and family, well i thought WRONG. my parents jumped to conclusions and kicked me out of the house with nothing, i was homeless for about a week until i found a place to stay with a close friend. within a matter of weeks i heared that my parents told al my family that i was gay and since my whole family is cristian i was banned from family gatherings and events inculding christmas and other major holidays. the only things i dont regret would be how much stronger i have become by being rejected by my family and finding the love of my life josh my boyfriend of 2 years. Good luck to all who are coming out Phillip age 21
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31-07-2007 04:32
My Story 
 
i came out to my mother a couple of weeks ago she started saying that when dad finds out he is definitly going to chuck me out so i started saving up an emergency fund! after she told me that she started crying then ran out the room saying it was disgusting! so i went up to my freinds house crying my eyes out i thought my mum was acting a bit selfish she could have supported me more!
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Gareth Love
28-07-2007 12:10
I dont know how im going to come out :cry i need advise i think my dad is homophobic and my mom should be cool with it but i havnt old anyone so its kinda a rly bad situation i mean im 12 now but ive known since i was 10. i hope to tell my neighbor first (known him since i was 6) but im not sure hed be cool with it i really hope he is. if he is ill just let him know that for a while but wish me luck tellin my dad :eek
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Hi, im keith
25-07-2007 22:28
glad your parents were accepting. i haven't told my dad or stepmom but i told my mom, she's very religious and so she thought it was like an evil thing that comes after you and makes you that way forever:roll... i couldn't dare tell her that it was just who i am so i kinda lied and told her i got over it... but i told my friends and they are fine with it, but now come's the hard part of telling my parents AND my whole family... which pretty much consists of over alot of people:eek, wish me luck!
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nikki loves her
25-07-2007 06:33
good for you im not so lucky my parents arent to fond of gays an and i live in a homophobic community
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19-07-2007 20:13
im in a difficulte stage my dads a gay hate and my mum would be shocked to hear it my brothers a cathlic now tell me how can i tell both of my parents
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