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Home Page arrow Articles arrow How Homophobia Hides
How Homophobia Hides Print E-mail
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Monday, 20 August 2007

ImageHomophobia, it is probably safe to say that the word conjures similar images of violence and aggression aimed towards gay and lesbian members of society.  If a news report mentions a homophobic crime, without paying too much attention, it is possible to construct a picture of, if not all, some of the details and at the very least the motivations behind such inexcusable hatred.  Obviously we are supposed to rest easier with the criminality of such activity and should be strengthened by the wise eye of the law aiming to prosecute the offenders.  However, for all of the media attention given to eradicating wider society's prejudices how safe do we feel?  How tough is it still to be gay in a small town, or a tough town, how dangerous is it to walk the streets at night after quitting a gay bar, getting on a bus, a train?  More interesting, what of the subtle homophobia of parents, friends, the press, media, the "liberal", the "modern", the "disinterested"?

Fundamentally homophobia is the prejudice towards another person based upon their sexual orientation, meaning that you are singled out as different and by that nature, dangerous.  However, this does not make homophobia a simple label for a simple crime.  As with any form of phobia, there are vast individual differences and variations, ranging from one end of the scale to the other.  Racism, Ageism, Sexism all have their own complications and diversities in much the same way homophobia does.  People are different and what is worse is that people are always comparing themselves to others.  However, just because you may not physically attack someone in the street, does not mean you are any more tolerant of them as a member of society.

Obviously, in a court of law, criminal charges are brought against criminal activity and whereas delilberately expressing a hateful opinion to another person based upon their sexual orientation is a crime; what of the daily, more fleeting incidents we are all likely to face?

Let me give you an example if only to highlight my train of thought.  Recently whilst walking in a self professed liberal part of London with a friend, both neither more outwardly gay than any other people walking along the streets of the town and certainly not releasing that gay aura we all seem to possess, I was suddenly aware of a car slowing as it drove alongside us.  Making sure he had eye contact, the driver took his hands from the wheel, (a criminal offence in its own right) to make the effeminate gesture of the limp wrist we have all, apparently,been blessed with.  His point made and I am sure fearful for his life as he approached oncoming traffic, the car gained speed and headed along its way. 

"walking with a friend in the broad daylight  of mid afternoon

is complicated by homophobic intolerance. "

Other than being utterly baffled at how this driver was ever so perceptive at recognising our sexual orientation, I found myself angered that even walking with a friend in the broad daylight  of mid afternoon is complicated by homophobic intolerance.  Moreover, this is exactly the homophobia that is so hard to prosecute.  I could have attempted to remember his number plate, or retaliated by, what, kicking his car?  To what avail though, would this be? 

I use the example as it illustrates the underlying homophobia that is near impossible to tackle.  Obviously straight men spend time together, walk in pairs down busy high streets and of course such a miscalculation of their friendship would easily be brushed off.  However, when you are attacked whilst in public for such a small part of who you are as a person, it is easy to be angered. 

"when you are attacked whilst in public for such

a small part of who you are as a person, it is easy to be angered"

I am gradually heartened that the police, at least in the UK, are making great efforts to tackle the many forms of homophobic crime, I have no doubt the law is being enforced for those crimes that are reported.  However, what of the homophobia we must face in schools, or when watching television?  How many times are objects described as gay, to mean rubbish?  Or how many times do parents turn off a film which may have a gay kiss? 

My mother, in her eternal wisdom and grace could not be more supportive, my father also offers nothing but encouragement in everything I embark upon.  Only the other day my mother admitted that having a gay son has encouraged her to really consider the importance of such a thing as sexuality; she believes that as a parent, love is never an option but a comittment.  However, parental relationships are complex and I often contemplate how, as my life changes and matters of family and children are considered, my relationship with family and friends will change.  If then parental love is unequivocally contractual, why do so many gay sons and daughters get expelled from their family, their home; are we not all a son and daughter to a mother and father?

There are too many complications to even begin an answer, yet somewhere at the root is the homophobia engrained within society itself.  Despite the Classical concept of the love of two men to be the purest of all, for hundreds of year, sodomy, and therefore homosexuality has been illegal, immoral and totally unforgiveable in the eyes of the law.  Like the slaves of Africa, who were sold for so little yet doomed from the start, gay men and women shall always struggle to reclaim the heritage of homophobia.

"are we not all a son and daughter to a mother and father?"

As for the motivations behind such intolerance and ignorance?  Who can fully understand the mind of another, yet perhaps there is something in the irrational notion that to be gay is to be weak.  We are all from time to time seeking to have power over another, to be seen as more successful, stronger even than at least one other person.  Thus, to be seen as gay, is to be identified as weak in the eyes of the accuser.  Remember though, the message of Pride is one that must resonate as it tells us that to be gay is not to be weak; rather, it is to admit to difference, not the difference of sexual attraction but the difference of humanity.  We are all, fundamentally born out of difference, given life to fulfil a potential and whereas some squander this opportunity by attacking others, you have the power to embrace your whole self and prove the homophobic accuser is always weakened through their accusation

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Comments (22)
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01-07-2008 08:55
Good column, many interesting points made. I think homophobia from some parents stems from a need to carry on the line (i.e. reproduction) and they fight against anything which could jeopodise (spelling :sigh ) that. Or some parents could be trying to protect their children from future predjudice. I think homophobia is definately less prevalent in young people than it was. I try to stay optimistic.
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03-05-2008 15:49
im quite lucky i never had to come out my dads gay lols.
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03-05-2008 15:49
ive been excluded form school 2 times form school fore being homophobic even though its obvious im gay and realy camp its quite stupid how school is like they wont do anything when im being called queer and stuff but if i call the head a fag or queer i get excluded its stupid.
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01-01-2008 08:58
okay... i use the words fag and homo and queer all the time. I like the words, and dont consider it a slur at all. It is what it is.
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03-11-2007 16:41
i dont mind the word "gay." i even catch myself saying it once and a while. its "fag" or "homo" that realy anger me. because that is a direct attack to me and my friends. i consider it a slur. i mean, racial slurs are not tolerated in our modern comunities. so why should homophobic propigana or slander be aloud? hopefully, "if" we get a more tolerant president, we will be able to put an end to kids being afriad to walk down the hallway in a public highschool in a small town. i think it should be considered a crim and that all offenders should be treated as such: Criminals.
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08-10-2007 12:16
the older i get (which is very old), the more i realsie that it is not just your enemies that are homophobic, but rather your family and "friends" too. unfortunately, it hurts me to be kicked in the stomach by a friend than an enemy.  
on another note, i think that there is a problem with the way homophobia is dealt with. all the world seems to be doing is saying that homophobia is wrong, bad, that it is politically incorrect, rather than actually getting to the root of the problem, so taht we DUSCUSS with people why it might be wrong, rather thne TELLING them. you can tell someone that the sky is blue, but inevoratbly, their next question will be, "why?"
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29-09-2007 10:22
when people use the word \"gay\" in everyday language it shows how far the world has come: nowhere.
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26-09-2007 16:29
my friends were fine with me being a lesbian but i found that even then, they were ignorant towards it. like asking that question "how do you know when you are so young?". it made me doubt myself, i don't think people will ever stop using "gay" as an insult, you just have to ignore it, it doesn't offend me, i just think of the accuser as stupid.
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24-09-2007 01:43
same thing only my friends are extremely nice to me and my teachers. my father is the living hell in my life. he has to treat me like Im contagious and somthing "sinful"
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04-09-2007 13:07
I very much like this editorial. The one thing that I would like to comment on is the fact that we should think of being gay as not to be any weaker or any stronger then another person, it is more along the lines that we sometimes are more experienced in bad situations. One who is born gay does not obtain any better idea of being weak or strong, it just so happens as products of our environment we end up either weak or strong.  
 
To learn and grow from such environment is the key and how we do so. I think it is a born duty of someone who is different and seen as a threat in this world to use the experiences they have as lessons. When you are called down for being gay, for being of a different religion, for being of a different skin colour one must stand up and truly believe that it is not acceptable. We also need to keep in our minds that it is also not acceptable to do nothing in return. One act deserves another of equal or more value. The act that we perform though must be in the name of understanding, not hate. 
 
With every ill word or violent gesture we must react, or else we are letting all the progress that was made in the name of social acceptance seem to be in vein. Taking a look into the African American community in America and elsewhere we must realize one great fact. When they fright for their rights it is not just because they are as a singular person trying to gain equality and freedom. It is one singular person, supported by many trying to gain these things for the greater population. Homosexuals are a minority and as such we must stand together as one. Not to segregate ourselves but to give each other something to fight for and to fall back on. We all can not be the savoir of our brother, just try to think of them the next time you choose to react. 
 
>>Spencer
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03-09-2007 18:31
yes but that relies on the idea that the word gay is used only to describe someone of a homosexual nature. surely we should then also discourage the use of 'gay' to mean happy, for fear of the demograph being labelled as overly-joyous and irritatingly positive.  
my point is gay isn't just used to refer to a homosexual; just as it is/used to be used as a word for happy or joyous, it is also a term for something of a negative nature. while this is a result of homophobia in the past integrating the word into our vocabulary as strikingly negative, it's connortations today are not the same.  
the n-word was never introduced into english as anything other than a direct insult towards black people. the g-word has developed - albeit unfortunately - into a generic insult for all things. 
 
comparing someone saying "eww thats gay" and someone directing at a gay person "eww you're gay" is using two different meanings of the word. the former is simply expressing distaste in something, the latter is describing being gay with the word 'eww' 
 
and let's be honest, serious homphobes aren't quietly going "isn't it great how we can call things gay and get away with it!" - the bigots you talk of have a list of much more offensive homophobic words to use - and do use - rather than simply 'gay'
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30-08-2007 22:51
Re: dyslogistic use of the G-word 
 
Perhaps, then, we should consider the indirect impact. 
 
Ok, so for the sake of argument let us assume that as a group of strong, proud, self-assured individuals with no underlying insecurities about our sexualities (yeah right!) then we should just try harder to "get over" pejorative use of the g-word. Indeed, maybe in some cases this could be beneficial -- excessive and persistent complaining might even risk alienating us further as a sector of society... perhaps. 
 
But leaving that aside, let's consider for a moment: what if the danger in "tolerating" negative use of the term gay (cf. the dreaded racial epithet of the "n-word") is not merely in how it affects those of us who aren't straight, but in how it affects those who are homophobic and inclined to intolerance and bigotry? Sure, most casual users of the "g-word" probably aren't being explicitly or even consciously homophobic, but in condoning this kind of behaviour we allow those who actually *are* bigoted to hide in a sea of indifference. Indeed, it perpetuates the idea that acting disparagingly towards LGBTQEtc individuals is somehow still casually socially acceptable. 
 
If everyone can say "eww, that's gay" with impunity, then those people who are genuinely bigoted and homophobic can easily say "eww, you're gay" without compunction, as the distance from what we might consider tolerable behaviour is minor. Anyone's racist intolerance expressed as "eww, you're a n****r" would stand out a mile from socially acceptable norms. Surely we should strive for such bigots to be equally visible and indeed vilified for homophobic behaviour, and so maybe it's our responsibility to keep discouraging the unthinking, unintentional separatism as well as the active and deliberate hatred? 
 
Just a thought. 
 
Jxx
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30-08-2007 12:03
One thing that homophobia stems from is a fear that a gay or lesbian person will come on to them and make them gay or lesbian. this obviously is shallow as it says more about whos saying it and their insecurities rather than what is being said (or done). while homophobics put down homosexuals, they are mearly trying to distract themselfs from their own insecurities about their own sexuality. while we can pity themfor this we must defend our selves from phisical attack, but the only reaction to verbal attack should be laughing in their faces!! :grin
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23-08-2007 02:02
Great column. It\'s interesting to see how homophobia is still prevalent even in larger cities where I had always (somewhat niaveley, I admit) hoped homophobia was nonexistent. 
 
I live in a small town of about 1500 people in rural Canada. My town is filled with prejudice and hate which is why I am literally counting the days until I\'m out of here and homophobia is something I deal with almost everyday, whether in those more \"socially accepted\" ways (such as the man waving his slack wrists from his car) or in ways that are less socially acceptable.  
 
I remember when Brokeback Mountain came out (not that long ago) and how everyone seemed to want to rent it, just so that the next day they could rant to anyone and everyone about how \"disgusting\" and \"ungodly\" the film was.  
 
I\'ve dealt with homphobia in everything from the workplace to the locker room. One of my co-workers threw a fit when we got Carlton cards made by Ellen D. because she was a lesbian. My basketball coach made several comments as to not wanting any gays on the floor or the team or in the locker room. I forced myself to not react and to smile and laugh along with everyone else. It\'s something I\'m not exactly proud of. But violence is always a threat.  
 
Homophobia is deeply ingrained in society, but then so was anti-semitism and racism and those things have both been significantly reduced. I have hopes for getting rid of homophobia, but not high ones.
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23-08-2007 01:36
Then it would be fitting for people to also stop using the term "that's lame" because it could be seen as offensive to those who are physically challenged or disabled? 
And by your reckoning, they would then also be using the term "that's lame" under the full understanding that it's roots lie in causing offence to disabled people? 
Is it not possible that people use a derogatory term simply because it's commonly used as derogatory? To which i imagine your response would be “and that is exactly the problem”. But the solution would be to start punishing people for what they think, except, people saying ‘gay’ as a derogatory term AREN’T thinking “aha, i think that person is bad, and being gay is bad, so i shall call him gay”. 
My point is that your highlighting something that isn't actually a problem. As i said before, my friends say things like "that's gay" yet have they been in any way unaccepting to my homosexualty? No. On the contrary, since i’ve come out several of them have noted how they’ve become far more open and accepting to gay people in general. The fact that they are completely comfortable with my sexualty, and they still use terms like that, only goes to show they don't do so with any concious underlying homophobia. The same thing holds true for most other people, in so far as if somebody’s going to insult you for being gay, the terms ‘faggot’, ‘shit-stabber’ and ‘batty-boy’ are far more likely to be used that ‘hey, you’re gay’. THOSE terms are offensive, and almost solely used as homophobic, why not complain about them? 
Girls as young as 9 can be executed in Iran for being lesbians; in the last 30 years over 4000 people been executed there for being gay. In Iraq “Homosexuality is seen as so immoral it qualifies as an ‘honour killing’ to murder someone who is gay – and the perpetrator can escape punishment.” But damn, in the UK ‘gay’ is a derogatory term.
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22-08-2007 22:50
In response to hoody47's comments perhaps it is true that the comparison with the slave trade is is too strong and not as focussed as necessary. I think the main point that I had tried to make was how, like the slaves, the control of their destiny was taken out of their own hands. The distrust of gay men and women is deep rooted and the heritate of homosexuality is exactly this, the history of deaming homosexuals as unfit for social acceptance. Reclaiming the heritage would mean that gay men and women promote a positive position in society, one based on equals. 
 
Separately, looking briefly at the terms "that's gay" was an instance of looking at how homophobia can be more subtle and I therefore disagree that a person who calls something gay doesn't think what effect that term has. Yes, perhaps they are not using it maliciously but they are indeed using it with full understanding of the connotations. 
 
Rob 
Editor
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22-08-2007 04:37
OR gay guys could just stop being so easily offended?  
if somebody says "that's gay!", their thought process isn't "my gosh, that thing is utterly disgusting and horrible, therefore, as being gay is disgusting and horrible, i am going to refer to it as 'gay'" they're using the word gay in the same way 'lame', 'crap' or 'shit' would be used. yeah, tough luck it also describes your sexuality. my friends call things 'gay' all the time, and yeah, if i told them it offended me they'd probably cut down on it, like friends should, but the whole point is i shouldn't be offended! they're not TRYING to offend me, who cares if the root of that usage of 'gay' has ofensive connortations, we all know if someone was trying to insult us, there are far more offensive words. Chris Moyles got voted Gay Times homophobe of the month (or something like that) because he uses gay as a derogatory term. his show's producer / co-host is gay, but somehow mannages to survive such blatant and public persecution :roll 
 
the guy in the car is a jackass, simple as, and he's worth his weight in crap. he obviously leeds a wholely unfulfilling life, so good for him! 
 
Oh and, "Like the slaves of Africa, who were sold for so little yet doomed from the start, gay men and women shall always struggle to reclaim the heritage of homophobia." - Homophobia vs black persecution?  
a) you can relate them in terms of oppresion over what's different, but you can't relate the slave trade to gay-bashing! 
b)being 'sold for so little' you would expect them to be 'doomed from the start' 
c) and WHAT the hell is the 'heritage of homophobia' and why on earth would we want to reclaim it?!?!
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22-08-2007 00:46
well, i live in a semi-small town slowly growing, and "growing up" (i gues you could say..), but most of the people in my town are homophobic, actualy in the later 60's i belive (so one of my therapists' tell me xD) gays/lesbians were actualy driven out of the area (panhandle of texas) and forced to live in the soutehr parts of texas.... my friends are ok with it (or so they act..) but my family is REALY prejudice against gays and even some races (which i HATE!) :cry  
but not all my family knows, only my dad does, but i know hes kinda "hurt" by it...but..well..its just hard being a gay teen in a town thats basically run by homophobic people! :sigh
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21-08-2007 21:09
i believe most people in my small town are homophobic and some even threatened my life one time and called the police and they did'nt even do a thing. people were gay at the beginning of time and people will always be gay it has never changed.
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21-08-2007 15:10
When I told my friends about my sexuality, they all said the same thing: It doesn't affect how they perceive me and that they were amazed at my courage. However I noticed that their feelings towards homosexuals hadn't changed. I had to confront one of my best friends over his repeated use of the word "queer" and how derogatory the word is. Everyone told me that he shouldn't have to change a word he's used all his life. It's obvious to anyone that if someone's best friend is offended by a certain term, then that person should do something about it, however society unfortunately isn't like that
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21-08-2007 12:40
Luckily, like the writer, my parents, family and friends were all okay with it, but I know things can be very tough for a homosexual teenager! :sigh
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21-08-2007 05:27
my school is basically homophobic, so are my parents, makes everything harder. all the rude comments :sigh
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