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Tuesday, 22 November 2005 |
 In an ideal world, coming out would be a thing of the past. There'd be no coming out issue to get through. As we developed our sexual identities through adolescence our peers and mentors would be absolutely open to whether we were gay or bi or straight - or however we might choose or refuse to label. Meanwhile, for many or most, coming out is the biggest challenges so far faced.
When you feel you are ready to do it, you don't need to tell everyone immediately. Begin with the people closest to you - it might be just one person - whom you trust. It can help to tell friends first rather than family, particularly if your parents aren't noticeably liberal or entirely up to speed with the developments of recent decades. Many parents are entirely supportive. They may have known you were gay all along and are instantly ready to break out that champagne they've been saving for a special occasion. They are readier to accept your sexuality than you dare imagine.
But there are those for whom this is not the case. If you're not sure, or if you've heard them make homophobic comments in the past, it is wise to remember that coming out can lead to rejection and abuse. It may be best not to tell them: the risk might be simply too great, especially if you're living at home or are financially dependent on your parents. If, however, you feel you must - and this is not meant to sound alarmist - have an escape route planned and ready. Of course, the hope is that you won't have to use it - the hope is that coming out will greatly enhance your relationship - but have it there in case.
When you tell a friend, particularly if he is young and frantically negotiating his own (gay or straight) adolescence, anticipate having to leave some time for the new information to settle. He (or she) might not understand at first. He (especially) might feel threatened. After all, he has been subject to much the same conditioning and lack of information as you. You're ready to out yourself because you've given it a lot of thought and are ready to accept yourself as you are.
The rest of this article is available on The Young Lovers' Guide
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 22 November 2005 )
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