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 I was one of the lucky ones I think. To look at it now, I never really understood or valued how many great people I have around me. I never took the chance; I never took that great stride into the great wild blue, the great wild blue being the vast world that is opened up onto you when you finally say those three choice words, the words that scare and inspire you, “I am gay.”
I always had very open minded friends and for that I am lucky. I also always had a very open minded family; it was a side of them I did not even think about. The thought that goes into deciding who you can trust, always leads you back to a question that you ask yourself over and over. “Am I going to risk it?"
Living in a small town, with even more small minded people (not everyone in the town admittedly, but the majority) I was always cautious about my sexuality. When doing anything I would ask myself, “Is this normal behaviour for a boy?” If the answer was yes then I would continue on doing whatever it was I was doing, if the answer was no I would stop what I was doing and change that little part of me. One can only do this so long before they break down, and realize that you can never change who you.
I was lucky enough to come to that point two months ago. It was after getting my first boyfriend (whom I managed to see with a great amount of lies and secretive tactics) that I broke down, and decided to bite the bullet and come out. It was a mix of fear and anticipation I felt when I first told my best friend. I knew deep down in my chest that she would be completely supportive, but I still had that fear that perhaps she may have not escaped the small town mind set. Our conversation went something like:
“You know how you asked me, the other night. If the person I was talking to online was a boy or a girl.” I started with.
“Yes?” she answered.
“Well,” I pushed out, “I want you to know it was a boy who I was talking to.”
“Spencer.” she said, looking at me with confusion and intrigue.
I answered, “Yes?”
“Are you telling me what I think you are telling me?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said knowing everything would be okay, “Margie, I am gay.”
She then gave me one of the biggest hugs I think anyone has ever given me. In that moment, I realized something that I never thought I could. I can do this, I can tell people who I really am, and I do not have to hide it anymore. So I decided that I would slowly give all of my friends this little bit of information about me. In return I received full acceptance, and even stronger connections with everyone. I was no longer lying to them, and they were no longer being twisted up in the web I weaved for 18 years. Coming out I found I learned a lot more about myself as well. Something I realised after telling my mother, and this came to me in her words. “Spencer, you know I accept you for who you are. Nothing will ever change about that. I will always love you for who you are, and I would never base my decision on something as personal as sexuality. You are still the Spencer I raised. But remember this, you are not gay Spencer, you are Spencer who happens to be gay.”
This was very interesting and it made me think of my sexuality in a way I never thought of it before. I treated it with such seriousness throughout my life; I treated myself as if I were solely defined as my sexuality. So with the words that my mother handed to me, I started my life back up again. I was still the Spencer everyone knew, I just happened to be gay.
Another dear friend of mine also taught me a lesson in life that I would never forget. I really did not have a large history with this person; in fact I would have never thought he would be a person I would ever come out to. In high school he always seemed like the type that would not be accepting of homosexuality, but in this case I made an assumption about him and I was proved very wrong. After a long night of discussion I finished the conversation with:
“I don’t know whether to say thank you, or say I am sorry.” I said.
He looked at me with puzzlement, “What do you have to be sorry for, your only gay; it is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You see,” I continued, “this is one of the reasons why I think I should say I am sorry. I made an assumption about you way back in high school and if I was still going on those assumptions, you would not have just got the bit of information about me I gave you.” He continued to stare at me with confusion, “What?”
“If you would have asked me a year ago if I would be coming out to you. I would have said, with vibrancy no less, what are you thinking! I made an assumption about you based off of very little information, and for that I am sorry.”
“I see,” he said, “listen you do not have to say you are sorry. Telling people something so personal is always hard to do. You were just protecting yourself the only way you knew how.”
You see, I learned from this that when I generalize I am doing the exact same thing as when someone generalises me. I assumed he wouldn’t be okay with it, and I was wrong. It would be the same if someone assumed I was just a gay person, they would be wrong as well. So I guess from coming out I have learned many things. Most of them being things I will keep in my mind for the rest of my life.
I no longer treat my sexuality as such a serious thing and I no longer naturally assume that people are going to be against it. I just always keep this thought in my head, and it usually proves to be of aid. I am not gay Spencer, just as this person is just not straight. I am Spencer with my own personality, and they are just people as well with their own personal beliefs and morals. I will not judge them before knowing them, and I hope they will not do the same to me.
Contributed by: Spencer Hale Only registered users can write comments.
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...Great!Hope this will happen to me someday... 
.. really that is my only complaint... 
