Kal

Dear Kal,

I relate to your situation. Once I really fancied this girl called Elizabeth, and I asked her if she wanted to be my slave-girl. Being the queen of England she wasn’t really up for that, and was quite annoyed that I had asked during her live TV Christmas speech. I also shot two of her corgis.

While I can’t advise you about how to make it easy, I hope that my little story teaches you something...

When executing a Corgi dog, especially one of Royal prestige, give them a head shot; they go quicker that way. If you need a get away method don’t use stilts; they didn’t get me very far and made using the bus really awkward.

 If all else fails try writing into one of these agony aunts, I hear they are useful.

 Oh, wait…