need a bit of a push i guess...just dont

id love to come out to my parents, like really love to but i just cant really get those few words outa my mouth i mean i kinda just rushed it all outa me one day...and told my mom that i was probably gay...and that i dont like any girls and that i like guys...well i kept it simple for her. And she hugged me and told me not to worry about it, i mean i came away feeling much better, and again like 6weeks later i turn to her and say something like "you know i wasnt joking about being gay, im pretty sure i am" and well i came away from both covos feeling like she thought it must be a phase or something. And well she loves me and all that and im sure its a shock to her but i want to say it again, i cant keep on going like this, im just so sad and its a constant sadness. So i just keep going in to her and sitting down on the bed like i used to do before, and she'd be watching tv, and id want to say something but just cant, so i just say good ngiht mom and go to bed and the moment im outa sight i just feel sooo helpless... i mean im out to friends, and its like i need permission, i just need to know that shes ok with me being gay...but i cant seem to just say look i need to tell you something, and then just sit down and tell her everything. And well ive even started to feel as though im not part of the family...and well im adopted so that doesnt help, but its cuz i never feel like i can confide in my mom...or dad. I did tell my bro, but it was on a piece of paper and well he just said "you had to write it down?" and i said "well you dont really listen very well" and well he smiled and said "i dont care really i dont, i cant count how many gay friends i have in college". So needless to say i was just so relieved ehh sorry god this has got to be so long right now, but i really need just to start living for who i am. Any advice/suggestions on what i could do ??  
 
thank you  

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