Diffrent

I fond out when I was maybe in the 7th grade what i was. But I always new i was diffrent then other kids. when my buds talked about girls I just wasn't intrested. I was more intrested in hanging out with them. I always fantsized about kissing another guy. When I frist did have a fantsy i freaked my self out. Like omg were did that come from. But then it started of turning it guys I knew. Then I really got freaked but when my girl friends were rating boys I actully did it in my head not letting anyone no. It was like what my guys friends thoght of chicks. I tryied to rate girls but to me the were beutful not hot not attractive. I said it was no big deal and dated a girl once. It was nothing speacial I felt nothing for her. My one in only reltion ship. Never dated after. But when I kissed a guy my hear leaped. And all was clear. It wasn't like when I kissed a girl it was something a spark. I always wanted to fell that way. I checked out guys with being carefully not to let them know. I'm still not ready to be out to everyone. but I'm out to some friends and whole family. My outside fam treats me differnt alot of them are jerks aoubt it. Same as my bro. I wish ppl will get threw ther heads it not a chose. It like saying when did u decide u were straght. I decide i'm done looking for someone and what for it. But My intecpation for my first bf has been whating so long. 7th grade seems like yesterday the year I found out I'm gay. and damn proud of it to.

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