yea 3 and never looked back

the first time i kinda 'knew' was in year 3, so i guess i was about 12 or something? i'm not really sure. One guy in my class, rob i think his name was, was a total show off and showed his 'bits' in the boys changing rooms. Everyone screamed and turned away, where as i only pretended to look away! i laugh now cause i have been through a lot since then. It was about the same time things started growing and being hairy. But (as i think i knew from quite young) i always knew it was there but just kept it my little secret.  
 
All through school i secretly fancied some of the boys but i never told anyone, always pretended to like girls etc. Have never really been camp and so flew under most peoples gay dar (still do!). I have had a fair few female relationships starting from about year 5 and having more serious ones at like year 10/11 (g.c.s.e's time) [sorry for keep using my school years instead of my actual age, thats just how i remember]. A few of note; one during my as levels/ a levels was serious and had progressed to a sexual level. It was horrible when i had done straight sex things before i usually shut my eyes and thought of other things or kinda just focused on them and getting them tired so i could just go to sleep! good thing i can laugh about it now (i'm 3rd year uni at 20 years old). But this relationship went on for a while, like 9 months and things got really hard, like someone said, i really wished they made a pill to make you straight, at least then you could have kids and be 'normal'. I met her family and such things and it was an absolute nightmare (not going into too much detail) She started realising i wasn't sexually attracted to her and thought it was because she was fat/ugly etc. Which was rubbish, she was practically anorexic and i guess rather pretty ( i don't really have an opinion on how 'hot' women look). Long story short, cut to me sobbing my heart out to her and saying i was a homo and i am sorry andvshe is really beautiful and sorry again etc and then never really spoke to her and went to uni. At uni i dabbled a little further of a sexual nature and eventually told my parents. By this time i fully accepted who and what i was. It was a long a rocky road but now i am so, soo much happier for it. I guess mine may not be so normal (only just slept with more men than i had women last year) but at least i have learnt to respect myself and the world i am in. I have met some amazing people (both gay and straight) and learnt a lot; not everyone is a homphobic idiot, and even those that were, back at school have come to uni and themselves become more understanding ( and some of the hot guys at my old school have now come out as well, which is great!). Now, in no way what so ever would i ever take any kind of a pill, and certainly not one to make me 'straight' or 'normal'. Such a ridiculous concept. I love my new gay life and wish i came out much sooner, my parent s ahd quite a bad reaction, ended up throwing me out, and i ended up going to london and sleeping a lady friend just to 'make sure' i was full a homo. To be fair, hearing your youngest son is gay via him talking to his friend on the phone describing a hot guy he met in france who didn't speak a word of english and that i didn't kno a word of french but we still hit it off rather well, mioght not be the best way to come out. But it was definalty better sooner rather than later. It was only after my family knew, i could myself finally start accepting who and what i was ( i was such a clost case at the start of uni). But with a little help from my friends here i am! 
 
loadsa love 
 
jaime

Guest